Lose Yourself
by Woopdereitis
Summary: 'Shirtless Fili…I tried to keep my eyes on his face, I really tried.' Bonnie Dunlap is a slightly sweary, drug-addled doctor, until something unexpected happened. Now she's on an adventure - to help reclaim the Lonely Mountain, learn the healing practices of Middle Earth, get high in whatever way possible, and to try and not distract a certain Durin prince. 1st fic, pls review!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

The cliché of it all was unbearable. Hit by a bus. Hit by a _freaking bus._

My boots pounded the deck as I hurried to work, running late for ward rounds after an impromptu little bender the evening before. Don't be fooled, doctors are not always the responsible and upstanding citizens you lay folk would like to believe. I definitely wasn't.

I was a bit dysfunctional, a little misanthropic, a hopeless cook, hated cleaning and abused substances more than what was acceptable, but I was a good doctor (I'd like to think). I had a knack for wheedling patient's secrets out of them. The deepest and darkest of a person's life not only tells you where the problem is, but where their priorities lie, so I would say that particular skill served me well.

I'm going off on a bloody tangent. The day of my rebirth, the beginning of my second life! I was running late, hungover, coffee in hand and in the process of bolting across the road to the hospital where I worked. I looked the wrong way down a one way street to check for oncoming traffic, realised my mistake a split second later and turned my head just in time for the bus to collide with my face.

No pain, of course. Adrenaline has a fast onset of action. Either that or there was not enough time for me to feel pain before my head hit the deck. That was it. My life didn't flash before my eyes and there were no tunnels with bright lights at the end, or whatever. I simply went into non-being, for god knows how long, before a most peculiar sensation of falling and hitting the deck a second time.

It knocked the wind right out of me, and I opened my eyes, gasping for air.

Odd, I had thought. The day back home was blustery and showery. Here the sun shone, and I lay face up under the canopy of a tall tree, with that glittery, irritating feeling of dappled light shining in my eyes. I had just registered the additional discomfort of lying with my bag wedged awkwardly under my back, when I heard a strangled voice.

'Oh, my dear! How did you…? You just…_fell_, out of nowhere. Are you all right?' The man came running up to me and began helping me up. I grumbled and winced and held my face. 'Oh my god, my head hurts.'

'I'm not in the least surprised,' said the man, 'you must have fallen at least six feet. Come with me at once, we must have you checked over.' The man was a little shorter than I, with a kind face and a mop of curly hair. He looked like a farmer from the Edwardian era – he wore breeches, a linen shirt folded up to his elbows, and suspenders.

'My name is Bilbo Baggins, at your service. What were you doing up that tree?'

'WHAT? Hold on a second…' I almost shouted at him. 'You're name is _Bilbo Baggins_?' He stared at me. I couldn't do anything more than just gape stupidly while my mind raced ahead.

Bilbo was the first to recover. 'Yes, Mr Bilbo Baggins, of Bag End.' He chuckled nervously. 'Might I have your name?'

'Oh, yeah, sorry. Bonnie Dunlap. Where are we? We aren't in the Shire, are we?' Impossible, it was impossible. I gazed around wildly, thinking it certainly looked like the green, undulating countryside I remember seeing in Lord of the Rings many years ago. I then remembered just _who_ lived in the Shire…

I glanced down at Bilbo's feet. Yep, huge and hairy. Incredible. I let out a shocked, quick laugh, and looked back up at Bilbo's face, who was regarding me warily and looked rather worried.

'Yes, Ms Dunlap, this is The Shire.'

Holy Jesus…

Bilbo Baggins had led me around the corner along the cute little trodden path to Bag End, _the Bag End_. The round green door with the doorknob smack in the centre and the cottagey front garden were the most noticeable features. It was beautiful, peaceful. Farmers were working and children playing in the soft green fields below. I half-expected the classical music soundtrack of the films to start up in the background. I walked slowly and automatically, taking everything in, Bilbo's hand at my back, but my brain was still going at an alarming pace. Was I dead? It certainly didn't feel like it. _Dead people don't get headaches._ Although I remembered the bus, getting hit, hitting my head and everything going black.

I couldn't explain this. I'd built a life around science, about _reasons _for what happened to people. I hated not being able to explain it. So I just kept gaping, breathing quickly and shaking my head.

Bilbo sat me down in an armchair by the fire. 'Thankyou,' I said absently, looking around the room. It was as comfortable-looking as one would imagine, with wood panelling, furnishings and books, maps and writing implements scattered messily over a large, heavy-looking table.

'I'll make some tea,' he said, hurrying into the next room. I took the opportunity to stand back up and quickly sidle over to the mirror in the hallway. The first thing I noticed was the _sideburns_. Little short tufts of blonde hair growing down in front of my ears. My god, oh my fecking god. Sideburns! Gross. I yanked at them, horrified. No, I thought, definitely attached. How unfortunate! Things like this shouldn't happen unless you shelve a few too many roids.

Despite the sideburns (ew) I still looked like myself, although my nose looked a little larger, but not like a beak or anything, and my hair was longer. It was still blonde and almost curly, but now it hung past the middle of my back. My build was wider and sturdier. I didn't dwell on my altered features, but pulled my pen torch out of my pocket and began checking myself over.

_Pupils equal and reactive to light and accommodation. GCS 15/15 _(apparently. I certainly felt confused),_ eye movements, facial sensation, movements and power grossly intact. Nil obvious peripheral muscle weakness or sensory loss. Full, pain-free range of active c-spine movements. _Ok, I'm boring you.

Hurrying back to the armchair, I plonked myself in it just in time for Bilbo to come bustling over with a tea tray, which he placed next to me on a small coffee table, and sat in the adjacent chair.

I was still amazed. Why I came here, I probably would never know, but hey, so far so good and now I get tea made for me. My best friend, who forced me to watch Lord of the Rings back when we were in medical school, would be _insanely jealous_ right now. I'd had very little interest in the fantasy genre, but endured the movies because she was my best friend and I loved her, and she loved Lord of the Rings. In the end I actually quite enjoyed the movies. Not enough to go into raptures over them, though.

This version of Bilbo Baggins was younger than the one in the movies. This realisation created more questions than it answered.

Bilbo began to pour tea. 'How are you feeling, Ms Dunlap?'

'Ugh, just stick with Bonnie, would you? My mother is _Ms Dunlap_.' That might have come across a little unkindly. 'Sorry, that was rude. I'm still a bit shocked.'

He chuckled. 'Call me Bilbo. Sugar?'

'Yes, please. And a little milk, not too much! Good man.'

This was nice. I sipped on the tea, warming my hands and beginning to feel a bit better. The headache began to subside.

'Bilbo, I have a few questions.'

He settled back in the chair and looked at me with a wry smile. 'I surmised as much, since you appeared out of thin air and don't seem to know where you are.'

'The Shire, you said.' He nodded. 'How tall are you? And what year is it? Why have I got sideburns? I didn't have sideburns earlier today. And…' I hesitated. 'Do you know of Gandalf the Grey?'

Bilbo, bless him, remained impassive. 'Odd questions, I'll grant you, but to answer them. I am three feet four inches tall, the year is 2941 of the Third Age, the date being 26 Astron, and I would say you have sideburns because you are a dwarven lady. That and your wearing of boots would mean you certainly are not a hobbit. As for Gandalf the Grey, I have his acquaintance and I quite admire his fireworks. In fact, he stopped by here just yesterday and offered me a place on an adventure, but I have no use for such things. He would have moved on by now, I expect; being the wandering wizard means he seldom stops in one place for long.'

Wow. Ok. The year, of course, meant absolutely nothing to me. But now, here I was, an almost four foot _dwarf_, thrown into what I think to be a prequel to Lord of the Rings: A young Bilbo, hasn't yet been on any great adventure, no sign of Frodo Baggins, no lasting friendship with Gandalf the Grey. I felt a little put out. If anyone could explain why I was here, in short person form, and how I could get home, it was the wizard.

'Now, Bonnie, it's your turn.'

**I'm so nervous about publishing this, as I've never written anything much before, but I just had to do this!**

**Kind reviews only, and thankyou in advance!**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Bilbo was the first person I'd told my story to. He took it well, considering. In short, I was a doctor not long out of medical school, Scottish by blood, Australian raised and trained, working in New Zealand, had a nasty bus mishap and landed in the Shire.

He struggled the most with the Earth vs. Middle Earth thing. 'How can Middle Earth just not exist where you come from? I just can't fathom it!'

I had patiently explained that Middle Earth was fictional where I was from, and that in my first life I was of the race of man, not dwarf, and certainly didn't have any bloody sideburns, thankyou very much.

He didn't click that I might know how his whole life would pan out…

'And, you're a… doctor?' The unfamiliar word slipped uneasily from him.

'Yes. I suppose here you would call them healers, although I haven't any knowledge of medical care in Middle Earth. The basics would translate, though.'

'So I do not need to call down to the village for someone to check you over?'

I chuckled. 'No, thankyou Bilbo. I gave myself a once over a little earlier. I'm fine.'

After that I'd begun to feel a little sorry for myself. Here I was, probably dead and having lost everyone I care about, and holed up at Bag End with a stranger, albeit a nice stranger, with no electricity or modern medicine. The tears started rolling. Bilbo promptly put me to bed in his guest room with the promise of supper in a few hours time. I gratefully accepted the escape of the afternoon nap.

It was some hours later when I awoke, groggy, with a start. Bilbo had laid out some clothes for me to wear, since my attire consisted of my dark blue hospital scrubs and a hoodie. I put on the brown trousers, dark green shirt and suspenders, and pulled by boots on (12-hole Dr Martens – they're all I ever wore). My bag lay next to the bed. I thank Mahal even today that my bag came with me to Middle Earth, but more on that later.

I wandered out to the hallway where I could hear a grumpy sounding Bilbo arguing with some happier sounding visitors. I paused, considering my imposition in his house, but not having anywhere to go or any friends to speak of, I took a deep breath and turned the corner into Bilbo's entrance hall.

'Be careful with these. I just had 'em sharpened.' A man drawled, tossing weapons haphazardly into Bilbo's arms. Poor Mr Baggins looked quite alarmed. The man paused mid-way through pulling a dagger out of his right boot and looked at me.

My stomach promptly fell out from between my legs and I choked on a bit of spit. I'd never been one for the hairy guys, but there was something special about this one. He had long almost-red hair, numerous braids, that chiselled manly face and a beard, _with more bloody braids_, I'd noted. Taller than me and dressed in brown leathers and fur, he dropped the dagger onto the pile in Bilbo's arms, straightened up and smiled.

'Mr Baggins, who is your fair companion?'

Bilbo wasn't paying attention, rather giving another dwarf, who I now know to be Kili, a telling off for scraping his boots clean on his mother's glory box. I'd never known anyone as house-proud as Bilbo Baggins, but seriously, wiping your muddy feet on the furniture? Jesus. I frowned at the dark-haired man and turned back to answer the question directed at Bilbo.

'Uhh, hi. Yes, Bonnie Dunlap, at your service?' I said with uncertainty, having heard Bilbo say it earlier.

The man never broke eye contact, walked over and took my hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss it. His beard tickled. My guts tightened. Seriously, who even does that? 'Fili at your service. My brother, Kili,' he gestured to the dark-haired man. 'We are dwarves of Durin's Folk, from the Blue Mountains.'

Right, dwarves. I keep forgetting we're all so short. I fidgeted, not knowing where to put my hands.

'I would never have expected to see a lady dwarf at such a gathering. Especially one dressed in hobbit attire! Who are your kin?'

'Um…' _Awkward turtle…_

Saved by the bell…

Kili came marching over after that, again taking my hand and bending to kiss it. Is this honestly how introductions between men and women are made? No wonder germs spread like wildfire in the olden days, I'd grumbled to myself. Give me a break, I know I'm being unreasonable. I'm just not used to touching anything unless I absolutely have to and washing my hands thirty times a day. Tough thing to unlearn.

I was introduced to more dwarves, a mean-looking one with tattoos and enormous forearms – Dwalin, and his brother Balin, who had the most spectacular white beard and a kind face. They looked nothing alike. Gigglesnort.

Bilbo began hollering in the background once more and I followed after him. He opened the front door and a huge mound of dwarves poured in, grumbling loudly and falling all over one another. Behind them was the grey wizard. Oh thank _god,_ I'm saved, I thought to myself.

'Gandalf,' Bilbo said, with resignation. The grey wizard stepped, stooping, into Bag End. He was enormous, older and wiser-looking than what I remembered from the movies, and I trusted him immediately. I edged over next to Bilbo and eyed him meaningfully. He seemed to have recovered, and caught on quickly. 'Gandalf, this is Bonnie Dunlap.' He gestured to me, speaking quietly. 'She came to Middle Earth this afternoon: an accident of sorts. We're hoping you could shed some light as to why she's here.'

The wizard then looked to me, blue eyes confused. 'Well my dear, Miss Dunlap. Your tale intrigues me already! Kindly follow me, and we shall speak somewhere a little more private.' I followed eagerly after patting Bilbo on the arm in thanks.

In yet another of Bilbo's parlours along the hallway, I recounted today's events to Gandalf. He remained impassive, nodding occasionally. I'd asked him to 'please not think that I'm a mental case', in which he'd guffawed loudly and smiled. 'No, Bonnie, I do not think you mad.' I was so pleased I hadn't needed to explain what 'mental case' meant. 'Admittedly, your story is strange, and at present I have no answers for you. What is clear to me, however, is that you are here for a reason, whether or not the reason becomes clear to _you._ There are others in Middle Earth who may be able to help you return home if you wish. In the meantime, I think you should accompany us on this adventure, to reclaim the dwarf kingdom of Erebor.'

Despite having no clue about this place called Erebor, I nodded vigorously. No way in heck was I staying here on my own.

Gandalf continued and changed the subject, 'what is curious, however, is how you know of _me_, when you have no idea about your own race.'

My explanation of a world (_my _world) where Middle Earth was a figment of some old guy's imagination finally elicited a reaction from the old wizard. He looked quite alarmed. 'A fictional place, in your homeland? Most extraordinary. But that would mean that you know all of what will come to pass.' Yes, this guy was quick and wise. He almost looked fearful.

'I know some things,' I admitted, slowly, 'but I don't know what knowledge I should impart, considering it could affect what ultimately happens, in theory at least.'

I sounded so grown up! Gandalf and I stared at each other for a few moments, both deep in thought. 'I think perhaps you should keep what you know to yourself, for the time being. We shall discuss this further in due time. Of course, you must know that as a dwarven lady you are, by definition, precious-'

'Huh?' I interrupted.

'Dwarves, or _dwarrows_, being the correct plural form, guard and protect their women-folk fiercely. They are treasured beyond any gold, silver or gemstones, and are seldom seen out of their settlements. It is because of this that you might be viewed as a distraction on this quest, yet your knowledge makes you doubly valuable, and I cannot allow you to remain behind unprotected.'

Well, shit.

'That and I'm quite certain your skills as a healer could come in use, even though you are unaccustomed to healing practices in Middle Earth. There is a dwarf in our company called Oin, he is a fine healer who I'm sure would be keen to teach you.' He finished. 'Now, the dwarrows make quite a merry gathering, there are still introductions to be made, and you must be hungry! Let us leave the serious business behind for tonight and enjoy good food and company.'


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

A merry gathering indeed! Poor Bilbo's kitchen was in bedlam. There were dwarrows and food _everywhere,_ not to mention Bilbo himself, who was sitting alone on a stool looking forlorn and nibbing on a biscuit. Gandalf sat me down towards the head of the table, just in time for Fili to come stomping along the table carrying large wooden tankards.

'Who wants an ale? There you go!'

I held out my hand as he reached me and smiled. He almost looked disbelieving, but smirked back and handed one over. He seated himself across from me, next to his brother, who elbowed him and whispered in his ear.

'Subtle,' I deadpanned, and took a large gulp of my ale. Ahhh, alcohol, one of my great loves. I sighed contentedly, ignoring the 'Durin's Folk' across from me. I let out a belch that was drowned out by Ori's. I laughed.

Gandalf commanded my attention and introduced me to the dwarrows in my vicinity – I think it was Bofur, Bifur and Gloin and Oin. Oin I remembered because he was the healer, and he was excited to hear that I was a healer in my homeland, and quickly offered to teach me the customs of Middle Earth healing. I accepted graciously, feeling excited about the new learning opportunity.

Most of the company were very interested in my presence, asking questions which were thankfully deflected by Gandalf. 'Miss Dunlap is a dwarf from another realm, although she is highly skilled and knowledgeable. She will be joining us on the quest and there is nothing more to be said about it.' He had simply said. They all accepted this without too much protest.

Thorin Oakenshield was the last dwarf to arrive, and I knew he was important by the way the atmosphere of the gathering changed to one of quiet reverence. Gandalf introduced me to him in front of the company, after Bilbo. 'Miss Bonnie Dunlap is a healer and a seer from a place far away from Middle Earth, and I wish for her to accompany us as the fifteenth member.'

Jesus, Gandy was making me sound like a bloody hemp-wearing hippy.

'Miss Dunlap-'

For the second time that day, I groaned, 'just stick with Bonnie, please.'

The dwarf king looked affronted. 'Very well, Bonnie. I am not altogether comfortable with a woman joining us on this quest, since you carry no weapon and I assume you are unable to defend yourself. However, if Gandalf says so, you will come, and on his head be it.' Definitely a king. I felt crushed. I was never one for sticking up for myself, so I looked at the ground instead.

Once Thorin was safely in the other room, Fili and Kili were at my sides. 'Don't mind our Uncle. He's stern but fair, and he doesn't wish for anything to happen to you.' Kili smiled softly at me.

'He's your uncle?' I asked, surprised. The brothers nodded.

'So Durin's Folk is like, House of Durin, or something. Like royalty?'

'Yes,' said Kili. 'Fili and I are the heirs. That's why we've joined Thorin on this quest. Come and listen, I think we're going to go over the contract with you and Mr Baggins.'

I sat quietly in the corner next to Kili, becoming more and more horrified at the prospect of this quest, to walk to this faraway mountain, get in through a secret door that nobody knew of, slay a dragon and rebuild the kingdom of Erebor.

Bilbo fainted. I thought about joining him. Instead I rushed over and put him in the recovery position, then went back to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Tea seemed to be the answer to everything in the Shire.

Gandalf gave Bilbo a good telling off while I sat with Oin and talked about the basics of wound care. Oin was as deaf as a post so I had to shout a bit. We probably would need to learn sign language – heaven forbid I needed to talk about something private, like women's business. Oin was a midwife as well as a healer, so I also asked many questions about dwarven child-bearing. You can imagine my horror when I discovered that the gestation period for dwarrows was years, not months. Oin didn't seem to care that I knew nothing about dwarf reproduction and told animated stories about the dwarflings he'd delivered over the years, including one that he'd pulled out by the hands, like Superman.

'I need more alcohol,' I said, feeling quite nauseated, thinking of that poor dwarf lady's birth canal, or what remained of it, anyway.

Oin laughed and got up. 'Come along, lass. It's time for pipe and song!'

The company gathered in Bilbo's sitting room in front of the fire, and many of them pulled out spectacular wooden pipes and began packing them with pipe weed from little leather pouches.

Oh, this is something I could enjoy. I rushed to the little spare room and got my little brass pipe and stash tin out of my bag. Remember when I said I loved drugs much more than I should? Well, I wasn't kidding.

The dwarrows howled with laughter at my little pipe, but I happily ignored them and packed a couple of buds into the bowl, lit it up and inhaled. Ahhh, _wacky tabacky_, my other great love, that little green leaf that brings such joy and serenity to otherwise troubled lives. Highly illegal back home of course, but hey, I lacked proper judgement, and all I ever did when stoned was roll around on the floor and eat everything I could find.

I caught Fili's eye. 'What's that you're smoking?'

'Old Toby. It's the finest weed in the Southfarthing!' Where have I heard that before?

'And what's your pipe-weed of choice, Bonnie?'

'Umm…' I thought wacky tabacky or marijuana was a bit much, so I settled with, 'Mary-Jane. It's great, you should try it, although I can't guarantee you won't be seeing any cartoon characters in your peripheral vision later.'

He looked at me, puzzled, but took my pipe anyway, and my belly did a weird little flip as his rough fingers brushed mine. I immediately had some horribly intrusive thoughts of just what those moustache braids felt like between my fingers.

Deep breaths…I'm about to get a prince stoned…

I watched him draw in a breath through the pipe, exhale, and smile appreciatively before handing the pipe back. He kept looking, and smiling, and he had dimples! Oh my god. He handed his pipe over to me, _his _pipe, and the Old Toby was lovely and sweet. I closed my eyes and let my shoulders drop, deep in thought.

On one hand, there was the cynical, drug-addled doctor who just wanted to go home and keep working in the same miserable hospital as before, but then there was another part of me, a bigger part, that wanted to have this adventure with all the walking and the dragon and the possibility of lacerations and incineration, and see what would happen with this gorgeous dwarf sitting in front of me.

And they sang. All the humming and the resonance and deep timbres, _far over the Misty Mountains cold, to dungeons deep, and caverns old._ It went beyond me. So much history and pain and loss was in that song, and I resolved to see it through, to help reclaim this strange homeland called Erebor.

_And I'm going to find all the neat ways of getting high in Middle Earth_, I thought, and on that happy note, I excused myself for the evening and slept soundly in the little spare room down Bilbo's hallway, in Bag End, Under Hill.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

We made a quick departure the following morning, without the hobbit, although Gandalf quietly reassured me that he'd catch up with us. I'd kitted myself out with a cloak and bedroll I'd found in Bilbo's cloakroom, silently apologising to him for my theft, but hell if I was going to freeze to death on this quest. My brain conjured up an image of what it would be like to snuggle with a certain Durin prince to keep warm during the night.

I shook my head. Stop it, Bonnie. Jesus…

During breakfast (after my morning coffee, of course. There's absolutely no point in getting out of bed without it), I had excused myself to plant the few Mary-Jane seeds that came with me to Middle Earth in Bilbo's garden. Smirking, I tipped the contents of my water bottle over the fresh earth and stood atop the hill, looking over Hobbiton. It really was beautiful, and I hoped to return one day. _For harvest, _I thought. Snort.

If we survived, I thought grimly. Yet, inwardly I was excited, pensive; jubilant even.

'Where to first?' I asked Fili once we were on the road.

He smiled gently at me. 'Bywater. We need to pick up provisions for the journey. Food, ponies, healing supplies. Weapons, too, perhaps.'

'Ponies?' Cool, I'd thought. 'I've never ridden a horse before,' I mused.

'Of course you haven't, you're too small to ride a horse. That's why we're getting ponies.'

Right, yes. I'm a dwarf. 'Well, I've never ridden a pony either, but it can't be that hard.'

He looked disbelieving again. 'Never? Then how did you get around in your homeland?

'Planes, trains and automobiles.' I told him, in my singsong voice. 'Horseback is an out-dated mode of transportation where I'm from.'

'Mahal. I'm not familiar with any of those. Will you tell me about them sometime?' His voice was quietly interested, but he didn't seem at all bewildered by what I said. It was something about him that I'll always admire, his coolness, no matter what I confided in him.

'Uh… yeah, sure.' My belly was in knots, but I felt excited at the prospect of spending more time with him.

We were starting to lag behind the rest of the group. There was no sound apart from an odd bird in the trees, the chatter of the group who were making bets about Bilbo showing up, and boots crunching along the path. It was a welcome change from the constant hustle of the stressful hospital environment. I breathed deeply. The air felt so clean here. I exchanged a smile with the dwarven prince.

Bywater wasn't far, and I lingered with the group while Thorin and Gloin went to purchase food and ponies, and a horse for Gandalf. I silently hoped the provisions included pipeweed. My supply was running low. Oin then summoned me into a nearby shop to help with the healing supplies, which were to be divided amongst his and my bags. We bought bandages, clean cloth, string, various herbs and salves, and sizeable bunches of dried athelas, the plant I vaguely recalled being used to heal Frodo in the Rings films. I made a face at the smell of some of it. It all seemed rather crunchy to me, but thus are the healing practices of Middle Earth and I just had to suck it up.

The bandages, cloth, string and athelas went into my bag along with my stethoscope, pen torch, steel water bottle, spare shirt and trousers, pipe, a notebook and a few pens. They were now the only things I possessed, having left behind everything else at Bag End. The thought dampened my mood, and I thought of my family back home in Australia, my parents and sister who I hadn't seen for six months and possibly wouldn't ever again. I wondered if they knew about the bus accident, and whether I was alive or dead. Abruptly, I was fighting tears as I walked back to the group.

Fili and Kili were standing together, saddling their ponies and packing things into saddlebags. I sidled over to the pony that was to be mine, next to them. I barely even noticed it's furry chestnut coat. 'What's wrong, Bonnie?' Fili asked.

'Nothing, it's nothing. Really. I was just remembering my family.' Not wanting to make a fuss, I breathed deeply and looked away, stroking the pony's mane.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him make to move over to me, but Kili beat him to it, slinging his arm over my shoulder and kissing me on the temple. 'It's not _nothing, _Bonnie, but since you have no family here then we will be your family.' He grinned hugely, all sparkling eyes and dark stubble, and it was so endearing and sincere. I couldn't help but smile back. He was like the little brother I never had. The joker. I'd thanked him and gave the hand that laid over my shoulder a squeeze.

I busied myself packing things onto my pony, when Fili came over. I looked up to his face, the top of my head reaching his chin. He was very close.

'I'm guessing you have very little combat training, since you're a lady.' He said cheekily.

I laughed. 'I…am…Sparta!' I half-shouted, waving my arms. He stared, grinning. I cleared my throat, embarrassed. 'You guess correctly. My expertise is only with medicine.'

His expression turned serious. 'We will protect you at any cost, but the road is dangerous and sometimes our best intentions can be foiled. I feel anxious that you are unarmed, and we were unable to find any good weapons here. If we were at home in Ered Luin I could have made you something…' He trailed off.

He pulled the dagger out of his boot in a movement so quick I didn't see it, and held it out in the small space between us. 'Please take this and hide it in your boot, just in case.'

'Thankyou,' I whispered, turning it over gingerly in my hands, before looking back up at him, an uncertain expression on my face.

He sighed and smiled. 'Right or left-handed?' He asked.

I felt dumb. 'Right.' I said, my face heating up. _Bugger everything…_

'Then it goes in your right boot.'

I stooped, inserting the dagger carefully in between my sock and the leather inner of the boot, and standing back up.

'All set?' He asked.

'All set.'

His lips parted slightly. My stomach did that weird little thing again. Gah, so many feelings. We stood, staring at each other for a good long second before Thorin's order to move out rang over us.

I climbed awkwardly onto the pony, heart pounding when the thing started stepping backwards beneath me when I was halfway on. 'Argh, stop!' I shouted, grabbing the reins with one hand and pulling them sharply. The pony stopped, tossing its head.

The company laughed at the terrified expression on my face. I settled my feet into the stirrups and glared thunderously at them.

'Are we going to Erebor or not?' I snapped. Nudging the pony in the side and trotting off, I fell into step next to Gandalf.

Yes, we are.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

We were only a few miles up the road when Bilbo's voice rang out behind us, calling for us to wait. The company pulled to a stop, and I grinned as Bilbo passed by my pony, giving me a huge smile and waving the contract at Balin. The guy looked elated as he was officially welcomed to the company, but he soon looked horrified when Fili and Kili yanked him up onto a pony and he discovered his lack of handkerchief. I ended up passing a piece of cloth to him that evening to spare him from using the dirty fragment of Bofur's tunic.

The day passed peacefully and quickly, and I spoke at length with Oin about the various healing herbs we had bought in Bywater. We sought high ground to rest for the evening, to keep safe. My poor arse ached from sitting on the pony all day, and I walked around stiffly for a while, rubbing it and earning funny looks from Dori and Oin, who were building a fire. I wandered over to Bombur and offered my help with dinner, so was kept occupied by chopping vegetables for the stew.

Our camp was on a rocky plateau, and Fili ushered me over to the rock face to set up my bedroll (next to his, squee!), according to him it was the safest place there. We ate stew and sausages and I sat myself down on my blankets. Fili and Kili settled nearby, and I continued my conversation with Oin.

'So, Oin, can you tell me about athelas?'

'Ay, lass, you might also hear of it being called kingsfoil. Athelas is the Elvish name. 'Tis a most potent healing herb, you can make a salve to put on wounds, you can make a tea from the dried leaves and use it to bathe aches and pains. It fights infection, and is very restorative. Even smelling the steam coming off the tea will bring about a calmness and sense of wellbeing. It grows like a weed around these parts, but even so, it's good to have a supply.'

'Can you smoke it?' I asked, louder than I expected to.

Everyone in the vicinity laughed. Oh dear…

Ay, indeed, lass! You poke it, right into the wound…'

'Haha! No, Oin, can you _smoke_ it? Like pipeweed.' I almost shouted. The entire company was listening now. Gandalf quietly shook his head from the edge of the plateau.

'I couldn't honestly tell you, Bonnie.' Oin replied with a smile. 'Perhaps you should try it sometime.'

Oh, my dear man. I will…

An awful screech echoing up from the valley below interrupted my thoughts of how nice kingsfoil could be, rolled up in a spliff and shared with a certain Durin prince. Everyone went quiet, and Bilbo came hurrying over and we both exclaimed in unison.

'What was that?'

'What in the _fuck_ was that sound?'

Thorin glared at me. I didn't care - my heart was pounding. I automatically shifted closer to Fili. He placed a hand briefly on my arm, and withdrew it: a reassurance.

'Orcs,' said Kili.

Bilbo was all horrified wide eyes and stumbling back to the group. '_Orcs?!'_

Fili caught my eye, smiled and winked. I chuckled quietly and straightened my face, relieved. If they were calm, then I could be.

'Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there. The Lone-lands are crawling with them,' he explained, nonchalant.

'They strike, in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams, just lots of blood.' Kili was a good actor.

The brothers shared a look and a laugh, before Thorin stepped over. 'Do you think that's funny? Do you think a night raid by orcs is a joke?' He admonished.

Kili looked abashed. 'We didn't mean anything by it.'

'No, you didn't. You know _nothing _of the world.' Thorin said, voice low and dangerous.

'Ouch.' I murmured, being unhelpful. I avoided Thorin's gaze as he walked past. He scared the crap out of me.

Balin told the story of the Battle of Azanulbizar. Although common knowledge amongst dwarrows and other races in Middle Earth, of course, it seemed like a very personal tale of Thorin Oakenshield's; the tragic story of his family history. I felt like an intruder by listening. The entire company was quiet, subdued, and thoughtful as Balin spoke.

No wonder he was stern, and grumpy. He was hardened by battle, and he had _suffered,_ the loss of home and family and livelihood in the most awful of circumstances. And yet he still believed in this quest, and his kin with his whole heart. That much was obvious. He was in a far healthier place emotionally than me. I studied his hulking form as he stood on the edge of the plateau, shoulders tall and proud. _Yes, definitely a king._ I smiled to myself, whispered goodnight to Fili and Kili, and lay my head upon my bag to sleep.

I slept like a log. When I awoke, the sun was rising and the camp was busy with dwarrows preparing for the day. I stumbled grumpily over to where Bombur and Bilbo were stoking the fire.

'Coffee. I need coffee.' I demanded, voice flat.

'We're making tea, actually, Bonnie. We don't appear to have brought any coffee with us.' Bilbo said.

I was, to put it mildly, horrified. 'No coffee? None?' I asked.

Bilbo looked sympathetic. He knew me better than anyone here. 'Sorry, Bonnie. I'll make you some tea, but sadly, that will have to do you.'

'_No coffee...' _I groaned miserably and trudged back to my bedroll, sliding down onto it and putting my head on my knees. Fili wandered over, picking his pipe up and stowing it in his pack. He looked down at me. 'Good morning,' he said.

'It is most decidedly _not_ a good morning!' I looked up.

'Why not? It seems like a good morning.'

'No coffee,' I explained, sounding all hollow and morose.

He stared.

I felt like a whining pain in the ass, and could feel my cheeks heating up as he looked. Eventually, he smiled and chuckled quietly, holding out a hand to me. He pulled me to my feet with no effort, but I didn't catch myself in time and landed against him.

Sweet effing Jesus. His other hand wrapped around my waist to steady me and I grabbed on to his upper arms. Close, very close to the Durin prince.

'Whoa. Are you all right?' He asked. He didn't let me go. 't._ .go. _I looked up at his face.

'Yes, thankyou. Sorry.' I said again. My face was now burning, heart was pounding and stomach twisting. Didn't need any bloody coffee now. Every nerve was a live wire. Yes, very, very alive.

I don't even know how long we stood there, but I was brought back to earth when I caught sight of Thorin glaring daggers at us over Fili's shoulder. 'Crap', I whispered, and dropped his arms, reluctantly stepping backwards out of the embrace. Fili cleared his throat and continued packing up, while I sheepishly walked back over to Bilbo, hyperaware of half the company looking from me to Fili and back again. _Bugger._ I was hoping to keep all that quiet.

Feigning ignorance, I helped Bilbo cook breakfast after accepting a cup of tea. Fili seemed undaunted, from my cursory glances over his way. He was laughing and talking to his brother and Nori, but I couldn't hear what they were talking about. I looked around the company. Thorin was deep in discussion with Gandalf and Balin, but he looked at me just at the wrong time again. I don't know if I imagined seeing his lip curl like Professor Snape's, but he certainly looked pissed off. His death stares were truly something.

I then realised what Gandalf meant by me being considered a distraction, and immediately I resolved to be more than that. I would be the scientist and scholar that I had always been, but moreover I would be useful to the company. And so began Operation Avoid-Thorin Oakenshield's-Hot-Nephew.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

It lasted about six minutes. I gave the guy a huge smile as I rode my pony past him a short time later, and fell into trot again beside Gandalf. The day was balmy and sunny, like early Spring at home. I released the reins to untie my cloak, stashing it in one of the saddlebags. I shook my hair out, letting it fly behind me, and sighed happily. This was wonderful, and such a nice change from the hospital. Most of the time I was so busy and absorbed in my work that I would go the whole day without seeing sunlight. Vitamin D deficiency was just one of the many occupational hazards of working in healthcare.

Deep down I had a horrible feeling that this was the calm before the storm. Of course it was – the guy wouldn't have written a whole many books about it if it wasn't some enormous drama. I wondered how my presence could possibly change the events, although I didn't really know how this part of the story ended. I knew that the ring eventually got destroyed, and that Bilbo had it before Frodo, but aside from that, I was going in clueless. And I had to admit that I was shit-scared.

Fili's voice brought me out of my philosophy coma. 'Bonnie… _Bonnie?'_ Oh my god. That voice, saying my name….

'Yeah, sorry', I shook my head, and went red again.

'You were a thousand leagues away! Here', he said, and handed me an apple. I held it in my hand, and took a massive bite. The food here was so damn good, so wholesome, and this juicy, crunchy apple was no exception. A dribble of juice ran down my chin, and _of course_ Fili had to bloody see before I could wipe it off with my sleeve. Buggering hell. He cracked up laughing.

Well, if my face was red before, it was now purple, like Pemberton's sign purple.

_Why, why?_

Fili stopped laughing. He didn't seem to care. I breathed deeply for a bit, focusing on the admittedly very pretty landscape surrounding the Great East Road, and tried to forget about everything.

I had a nice chat to Ori during the afternoon, after an enormous rain shower that soaked me right through. From his pony he managed to show me some of the writing and sketches he'd done since being in the Shire. He was quite the artist and scribe. He'd asked me if I'd ever kept a journal, but I'd answered no. My handwriting was exactly as you'd expect a doctors' to be – shithouse. Not even I could read it, sometimes. I used to worry about what would happen if I ended up in a coroner's court and got asked to decipher it while being questioned. It looked neat enough at first glance, but on close inspection was completely illegible. I don't even know how that happens.

Ori decided he was going to be my official Khuzdul tutor. I had no idea they had their own language, although it made sense since elves have _their _own language. The phonology was rough, with hard, rolling consonants. It sounded like rock, and steel, and it suited them perfectly. I learned a few short phrases: _dolzekh menu _(thankyou) and _ai-menu duzhuk_ (at your service), before we came to the ruins of an old farmhouse, in the shadow of a great limestone mountain face. Again, very pretty, but like Gandalf, I felt a little uneasy when Thorin decided this was where we'd be parking up for the night.

I helped Bombur with dinner again. It seemed like a womanly thing to do and to be honest, I needed all the help I could get where the culinary arts were concerned. Fili wasn't there to distract me, having been sent off with Kili to look after the ponies. Gandalf was nowhere to be seen after his and Thorin's heated argument about god-knows-what. Grumpy old bastards. Thorin was still smarting about it, and sat on his own in the dark, away from the company.

I'd just finished cleaning the bowls from dinner when Fili and Kili suddenly appeared, all heavy breathing and footfalls. They looked alarmed. 'Thorin!' Kili addressed his uncle, with an air of urgency. 'Trolls! They've taken some of the _ponies_. We left Bilbo down there to try and rescue them.'

Er, what? They let a freaking hobbit go deal with trolls by himself? I had no idea what a Middle-Earth troll looked like, but my head conjured up something like the trolls from Harry Potter.

'Sounds like our burglar is in need of our assistance.' Thorin said tonelessly.

I was the first to get up. Fili and Kili had already legged it back towards the forest, swords drawn. I started down the hill but Thorin stopped me. 'No, Bonnie. Stay with the camp. You'll be safe here.'

I simultaneously twisted out of his grip, muttering 'like hell', and hurtled off into the trees. I didn't turn back to see his reaction, but I could hear the rest of the dwarrows thundering along behind me, but I was quick, and outran them easily. Up ahead a massive ruckus was going on, and I followed the noise, eventually coming to a halt behind Fili, who turned and looked at me, horrified. 'Hi', I said brightly, feeling rebellious.

'Bonnie! What are you doing here?' He half whispered/half growled at me. 'Go back to the camp…'

I wasn't listening. I could hear Kili in the clearing. I leaned around the tree Fili and I had hidden behind and saw them. 'Holy fuck,' I said, in my slow dramatic voice. There were no other words. My heart started pounding. They were enormous, like elephants, but way more ugly and on two legs, obviously. I edged out from behind the tree, thinking I could sneak round the back and free the ponies while the trolls were distracted. They looked dumb. I certainly hoped they were dumb.

Fili lunged out and grabbed me around the waist, lugging me back behind the tree. There I was, back pressed up against the brick shithouse that was _him, _warm and strong. He held me tightly, the side of his face resting lightly on the back of my head. My heart was still pounding, but it now had nothing to do with the trolls.

'No, Bonnie, you're too precious. Stay here, please. Don't come out there with us, you'll get hurt.' He whispered to me, urgently and pleadingly.

_Fuck. _

He totally just said I was precious. _Whatdidhemean?_

He released me, just in time for the rest of the company to come bolting through the bushes, run straight past us and begin the attack. He pointedly looked at me, which plainly said 'stay here' as he moved off to join them.

I couldn't just 'stay here'. My limbs were actually twitching with the fight and flight hormone now cascading through me. Although I stayed hidden within the tree line, I worked my way around to the other side of the clearing, where the ponies were roped into a tiny enclosure, all the while trying not to look at the fight just in case I saw Fili and got distracted.

They were distressed, neighing and rearing up. Bilbo ran up from the fight, covered in some disgusting, smelly goo (WTF?) to help me. I pulled the dagger from my boot, and sawed through the rope. Bilbo backed off to let the ponies out, while I stayed on the outer side of the clearing. One of the trolls, a particularly enormous, disgusting one, grabbed Bilbo while I could only stare in horror from the other side of the escaping ponies. The troll hadn't seen me, so I backed and crouched behind the rock.

'Lay down your arms, or we'll whip his off!' The troll shouted at the company. Two of them had Bilbo held out high above the ground, ready to quarter the poor little bugger. I was a bit appalled at how long Thorin took to consider the options. He stabbed his sword into the dirt. Kili looked particularly upset at the turn of events, and threw his sword down at his feet.

_Fuck everything. _I sat quietly, terrified about what would happen next.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Thorin, Fili, Kili and Bilbo were among those stuffed into sacks. They whined and shouted with anger and indignation as the rest of the company were strung up on a gigantic spit hanging over the fire. The trolls continued to bumble around stupidly, although they had the upper hand here. They stoked the fire, making the trussed-up dwarrows yell and cuss like sailors.

I was going through scenarios in my head, all of which ended in me getting caught and thrown over the fire too, without managing to rescue anyone. There was no point in going off to look for Gandalf – the old bugger could be anywhere. So I remained behind the rock, crouched in the shadows. I was only a few feet away from Bilbo's head.

The fire roared up, and as the grossest, most enormous of the three trolls turned the spit, I caught the end of his sentence, '…dawn ain't far away. I don't fancy being turned to stone.'

Oh. Yes. 'Bilbo!' I whispered urgently, leaning dangerously out from behind the rock, now visible to the company's captors. 'Distract them!' It looked like that light bulb had gone off all of its own accord, though. Smart guy.

Fili was lying on his front, the closest to the fire out of those in the sacks, and his head whipped around to look at me as I spoke. Not one to look scared in the face of death by roasting over an open fire, he gave me a look instead; one that plainly implored me to get back out of sight. I was overwhelmed with the need to rush out and drag him back to safety. I wanted to drag them all back to safety. I began to panic like I used to panic when I was an intern, faced with a dying patient and lacking the skills to do anything meaningful. I ducked back behind the rock, closing my eyes, taking deep breaths and feeling quite useless.

You've gotta hand it to Bilbo. After a particularly nail-biting moment of Bombur being picked up and almost eaten alive, I had to chuckle as I heard him say they all had worms in their tubes. Genius. I'd already had great respect for the guy, especially after taking me, a perfect stranger, into his home and caring for me the way he had. Now, despite his initial hesitance to come on the quest, and the company's lack of enthusiasm to have him there, here he was saving their arses.

Things were escalating. I didn't like it. I had barely registered the streak of grey climbing atop the rock above me, and the echoing shout of 'the dawn will take you all!' The rock split in two, thankfully not quite managing to crush me in the process, and I watched with glee as the trolls twisted and contorted as the first sunshine of the day hit them, until they became motionless, now a grotesque part of the landscape.

I rushed out and joined in with the cheering, ignoring those in the sacks and immediately cutting the bonds away from the dwarrows tied to the spit. It's all about who is the neediest, folks. Prioritising, even if my (ahem) Fili had to stay in the sack for a few more minutes.

'Well done! Gandalf, you!' I shouted, once the dwarrows were all freed, gambolling over to Gandalf and flinging my arms around his waist. He chuckled and hugged me back. 'Thankyou for saving h…them.' I said, blushing again. I'd almost said _him._ That would have been majorly awkward. Thorin was standing right there. Gandalf was looking at me suspiciously. _Crapola. _I left them to it, listening to the two of them talking, and Thorin trying to blame Bilbo for the whole thing.

I bristled. Gandalf, of course, knew better. 'He had the nous to play for time. None of the rest of you thought of that.' Yep, and your bloody face, Thorin Oakenshield. I didn't even mind - Bilbo deserved all the credit.

Fili was looking again, from over the other side of the fire. Kili was with him. I was in trouble. I hadn't really done what he asked me to, was next to useless in a battle, and I'd put myself in danger. It was sheer bloody luck that I'd remained undiscovered and safe last night. I wandered over to him, sheepishly grinning.

Kili busied himself with cleaning his weapons a few feet away. We were on our own now.

Fili's face was emotionless. _I could just stand here and look at him forever, him and his beard. _I knew he was angry, but practiced at keeping the emotions in check, like his uncle. He looked down and gently began stroking the back of my fingers with just the tips of his, hands concealed between us from the rest of the group.

_Having a heart attack…._

He must have seen the red flush, beginning on my chest and slowly creeping its way up to my face, because he chuckled quietly and said to me, 'You did well last night, Bonnie. Getting Bilbo to stall them, I mean. _And _freeing the ponies.' Damn, thought he'd missed that.

'Butyou're a lady, fair and precious. You can't defend yourself, let alone the rest of us, and just the thought of those oafs catching you… You know, women face extra dangers on the road, dangers that we as men don't have to worry about.'

'You mean sex crimes?' I blurted out. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Kili stop what he was doing, but he kept his head down.

Now it was his turn to go red. I had to muffle a giggle.

'_Mahal_, Bonnie, yes! And it's not funny! I don't need another young, reckless person to have to watch like a hawk.' His gaze turned to look at his brother, who looked back at us, and feigning a look of shock, said, 'What? Me?'

We both laughed at him. Fili turned back to me again. I pressed my lips together, feeling annoyed at myself for being such a pain in the arse.

'I'm sorry.' I said. 'Really.'

'Promise you'll be careful, from hereon in. And do what we tell you to, not because we want to control you, but just to keep you safe.' His voice was a bit stern then, like his uncle's, but he took my hand in his and squeezed it gently.

The air flew out of my lungs. His fingers were rough, and dirty, and I didn't care. He ran the fingers of his other hand over my knuckles, seemingly taken aback by the contrast in skin tone and feel.

'I promise.' I said quietly.

We wandered off after the rest of the company, who were following Thorin and Gandalf, trying to locate this troll cave that was apparently nearby. As we trudged up the hill, it occurred to me that having healing abilities didn't quite cut it on this quest. I wanted to be helpful, not a liability, even if I was a woman. And hell, I came from the 21st century, where post-modern feminism was the norm. We were supposedly equal. I wasn't going to a) do whatever a man told me to do, and b) just hide away while everyone in the company protected me. I had to be able to protect myself, and others too. And it was right then I decided not to be bewildered and frightened of weapons any longer. I was going to own them.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Gandalf invited me to come into the trolls' cave with a few others, but I took one sniff and politely declined. The rest of us sat around together among moss-covered boulders near the cave's entrance while Gandalf, Thorin, Dwalin, Bofur, Nori and Gloin went inside. I sat on the ground, quietly looking around at the admittedly very pretty piece of temperate rainforest and just enjoying the peace. We'd left the ponies in a small clearing 100 feet away. They were still fairly jittery after the night's events.

I felt a bit gross. Sitting on a pony all day wasn't too bad, but coupled with the sleepless night at the Trollshaw, and I was beginning to feel it. Like on night shift at the hospital, your sleep patterns are backwards and you'd think you'd just feel too tired to go on, but you just feel nauseated and hungover. I had a drink of water and a pipe of Old Toby, but all I really wanted now was a hot shower and a long sleep, preferably while being Fili's 'little spoon'.

Oh dear, what is wrong with me?

He came and sat down beside me as I tried to fix my hair. It was knotted and messy, and I tried to comb it out with my fingers. After setting about tying it in a bun, like I'd normally do for work, the flimsy little hair tie snapped in my hands. Damn, it was the only one I had, too.

Sigh. My CBF-meter was really popping the limiter now. My hair cascaded back down over my back and shoulders.

'I'll braid it for you later,' Fili said suddenly, taking a small segment of my hair between his fingers. 'If you like,' he added hesitantly, seeing the look on my face.

_Men braiding hair?_ I glanced around at the rest of the company, most of who had braids in their hair or beards. It had never even occurred to me how they got the braids, I think I automatically assumed that a woman did it for them, even though there were no women here, save me.

'It's ok…' he started, but I cut him off. 'No, no, no. I mean… Yes, thankyou. That…um, would be great.' _Oh my god, Bonnie. Could you be any more of a twit?_ 'I can't be doing with this messy mop,' I said, pushing the blonde tendrils off my face.

He nodded.

'What do all the different braids mean?' I asked him. 'You have a lot of them.'

'Well, a dwarf can choose whether he or she wears a braid or not. Often they are just for convenience, since we tend to grow our hair long, our women-folk in particular. Most of my braids aren't symbolic, but these ones here,' he twisted the end of one of the braids hanging in front of his ear, 'tend to refer to a dwarf's character.

'My mother braided these for me. She is proud of me being a loyal protector, of my brother and our kingdom. And my friends, of course.' He smiled.

'So, it's um, optional, to have a woman put your braids in?' I really hoped it was, and a pretty person to whom he was already betrothed didn't braid those lovely little moustache-braids.

He laughed. 'Are you sure you're a dwarf? You should know all this already.'

'I'm not even from here!' I retorted.

'Where are you from, then?'

'A galaxy far, far away.'

'Oh really?'

I elbowed him in the side. He definitely wasn't telling me everything I should probably have known about the custom of dwarven braiding. The others began emerging from the cave. Gandalf came over to me, carrying an armful of swords. He handed one to me, sheathed in old brown leather.

Hmm. It was quite long; it seemed too long for me, having probably once belonged to someone from one of those races of tall folk. The old leather was cracked in places, but obviously expertly made. It just needed a birthday. I drew the sword out of its sheath with a quick pull, and the blade sang as the motion reverberated through it, quietening quickly. This sword spoke to me. Its blade was straight, glistening like ice without imperfection, and with an intricate pattern of what I now know to be Tengwar script engraved close to the hilt. I was having a wand-choosing-the wizard moment.

'It may be too tall for you to wield, Bonnie,' Gandalf warned. 'It was made for an elf, and a grown one at that.'

'I don't care, we'll make it work, won't we, my pretty?' I pushed the sword back into the sheath and ran my fingers over the hilt. 'Thanks, Gandalf.'

He handed me another small dagger, smaller than the one Fili gave me, but this one had a beautiful curved blade, like a scimitar. 'You can never be over-armed when travelling on the Great East Road,' Gandalf told me. 'Put this somewhere safe. I know Prince Fili has given you one already, but all the same. He is becoming quite fond of you, my young lady dwarf.' I looked up at him, disbelieving. He smiled knowingly, and with the tiniest wink, turned and walked over to Bilbo, laughing to himself.

I'd just finished fastening the sword's belt around my hips, and hiding the dagger in my other boot (where else was I going to bloody put it?), and gave a start as Thorin yelled 'something's coming!' The entire company armed themselves and Gandalf herded us down into a clearing within a small gully. I decided to leave my pretty long sword in its sheath – being a novice I didn't really want to poke my own eye out with it. Instead I pulled out the little curved dagger.

We all stood quietly, looking around, hypervigilant and waiting…


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

'Thieves, fire, murder!' The words punctuated the arrival of the most eccentrically filthy individual I think I'd ever seen. I actually gasped. The guy had bird poo dribbling down the side of his head, and a rabbit-drawn sleigh. _This is it, _I thought. _Too much weed, now I'm having a drug-induced psychosis. _

He came to a halt in the middle of our group, leering suspiciously. Gandalf had lowered his staff ages ago, so the rest of the company had relaxed their battle stances too. I looked bewilderedly at Fili, who looked exactly how I felt.

'Radagast!' Gandalf cried. 'Radagast the Brown!' He seemed relieved. I also felt relieved, that I wasn't going crazy.

I relaxed against a gigantic boulder and watched them talk. It was truly impressive to see the guy pull a stick insect out of his mouth. Magic! Gandalf never bothered with doing entertaining things like that. Boring old coot. They snuck off a little ways to have a little wizard-to-wizard chat.

I stayed silent and vigilant while the others talked and joked. Even the sight of Fili, looking glorious with his relaxed pose and sword dangling at his side, couldn't shake the feeling.

It happened in front of me, seemingly in slow motion. An enormous ugly wolf-looking creature with too many teeth for its head growled from above us, lunging down into the gully. While Thorin was busily decapitating it, another appeared. Kili drew an arrow and let it fly right past Thorin, embedding itself in the beast's head.

My heart exploded with the adrenaline. Gandalf and Radagast came running. I thought, though, that none of us would die here, that this was the beginning of the story. I smiled to myself, boldly walking up to Radagast and whispering 'mate, you got anything good?'

He looked a bit shocked, admittedly, but giggled quietly to me and passed me a small leather pouch that he drew from his robes. I nodded in thanks and slipped it into my trouser pocket. Thank Mahal for people who are quick on the uptake.

I was brought back to the issue at hand by a fantastic squelching sound as Thorin pulled his sword out of the creature's flesh. 'Warg scouts!' He growled frantically, 'which means an orc pack is not far behind.'

Shit-a-brick. We're in for it.

Gandalf and Thorin proceeded to have a very unhelpful argument about Thorin's loose tongue. I'd started to panic when Ori announced that the ponies had bolted, but Radagast came to the rescue with 'I'll draw them off.'

Gandy wasn't convinced. I didn't like this angry bastard of a wizard. 'These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you!'

'These, are Rhosgobel rabbits. I'd like to see them _try_.'

Best comeback ever. I made a mental note to offer Gandalf a bit of Mary-Jane when I next got the chance. Old Toby was clearly not cutting the mustard.

The company took off across a wide yellow plain littered with rocky outcropping. I was packed lightly compared to the others, but being a woman, tired quicker. Soon I was panting. Bugger it all… now Fili has to see me looking all asthmatic and hopeless. _Never mind that the weakest is always the one that gets eaten first._

We hid behind boulders as the howling pack came thundering past. During the pauses I gratefully sucked in as many breaths of air as possible, oddly pleased to see that mine was not the only heaving chest. I don't know how far we'd run, it felt like quite a few miles.

We all remained huddled in the sheltered face of one boulder, as we heard a warg above us, atop the rock. I saw Thorin nod to Kili once, and the latter silently drawing an arrow, and stringing the bow. The arrow only managed to wound this one, and its rider angrily jumped off and stormed at us, weapon raised. The orc was no match for the warriors in the company, but the ruckus had clearly been heard by the rest of the pack, who came running with howling and heavy footfalls.

Not again! We took off, in the opposite direction, Gandalf yelling for us to stick together. We stopped at another boulder formation, Fili pushing me toward the rocks as he and Kili flanked the group, weapons ready. There were wargs and orcs in every direction I looked. We were well and truly fucked.

'There's more coming!' Kili shouted.

'Kili, shoot them.' Thorin commanded. And Kili fired arrow after arrow, as quick and as accurate as I'd seen the elf guy in Lord of the Rings do it.

Fili yelled, 'we're surrounded!'

My eyes darted back to the rest of the group. 'Where's Gandalf?' Dori asked.

'He's abandoned us!' Dwalin snarled again. Dwalin doesn't ever talk, he just snarls, even when he's paying compliments.

I'd not even had time to think why the wandering wizard would abandon us now. It seemed illogical when he'd done a whole lot of work to put this quest together.

He popped up from behind a rock. 'This way, you fools!'

Thorin grabbed a handful of me and threw me down a hole. The rest of the company came sliding in after me, one by one. I sighed with relief when Fili and Kili came crashing down too also unhurt. I stayed half hidden in the gloom, trying to be as small as possible, afraid of what would happen next.

'Where's Bonnie?' Fili asked frantically, walking through the group.

'She's here, and she's safe.' Gandalf said, his voice much calmer than I'd heard it all day. He gestured to me, huddled on the ground.

Thorin was glaring at his nephew, who saw me, nodded, took a deep breath and sheathed his sword. _Distraction._ Thorin's voice rang inside my head.

There was a brief commotion above us, and a dead orc came tumbling into the hole, landing a few feet from me. I hadn't seen one close up. Fuck, it was ugly. And smelly, like worse than melaena smelly. I recoiled, bumping into Nori.

Thorin yanked the arrow out of its chest, studied the tip for a second, before spitting out 'elves' and throwing the arrow to the ground.

Elves? I'd thought. Cool.

We followed the path, nestled deep within the rock, occasionally needing to turn onto my side to fit through. Poor Bombur had to be pushed from behind and pulled from the front to get him through the thin bits. I could hear waterfalls in the distance. I felt calm, and full of light. We rounded a corner and there it was.

I gasped, grabbing onto Bilbo's hand, who squeezed my hand back, equally as stunned as I was.

'The Valley of Imladris. In the common tongue it's known by another name.'

'Rivendell.' Bilbo answered, awe-struck, from next to me.

The valley was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen, nestled into the stone of the valley, bathed in sunlight and surrounded by waterfalls and the lushest of rainforest. There was magic in the air, here. I didn't even notice Thorin and Gandalf arguing (again), but was surprised to hear Thorin refer to the elves as 'our enemy'. I felt confused. Weren't they part of the good guys in Lord of the Rings?

As we hiked down into the valley, Bilbo and I kept smiling at each other, not quite believing that we were here. I also felt relieved, knowing that we'd have a safe place to stay tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

We gathered just inside the gate, on a threshold. An elf descended the stairs, having a quiet conversation with Gandalf. The company talked amongst themselves, some visibly upset at being there. I still felt confused, but was too astonished at the surroundings to care. Bilbo and I lagged at the back of the group, just looking at everything.

The same battle horn as we heard on the plain echoed through the valley, alerting us to a large group of elves on horseback, who trotted swiftly across the bridge toward us. Bilbo and I were pulled back into the centre of the group, who all bunched together as the elves surrounded us. Fili's arm snaked around my waist and pulled me into his side. I automatically did the whole suck-the-gut-in thing, even though I knew it didn't matter. Habit. But seriously, I don't know what the hell was wrong with me, like he cares about my muffin top.

There he was. Lord Elrond himself. I remembered him from the movies. Tall, wise-looking. Thorin proceeded to insult him. I sighed with exasperation, thinking there goes any chance of a nice quiet place to sleep away from trolls and wargs and orcs. He turned and glared at me, doing his Snape face again. _Definitely a king. _

Elrond didn't seem to mind, but his eyes found mine and he stared, into my _soul._ I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and looked to the ground. Fili's arm was still around me. I wondered vaguely how many of the company had noticed, before looking up at the elf lord again. He was still staring, studying. I couldn't help it, word vomit.

'It's rude to stare, Lord Elrond.'

Shit. I'd given something away, something that I shouldn't have known but I did. Thorin looked disbelievingly at me, with the smallest of smiles on his face, probably thinking I was finally on his page. The rest of the company was dead silent, even Gandalf was looking everywhere but at Elrond and I. Elrond smiled, and spoke in Elvish.

After we'd figured out that he indeed offered us food and a place to stay, we sat ensconced at a very nice table around sunset. I sat next to Kili, too mortified to sit next to Fili, who sat across from us. We exchanged many an awkward glance over the evening, as I tucked into the mainly vegetarian food and nice red wine while the rest of the dwarrows grumbled at the lack of meat and potatoes.

I suddenly remembered the small pouch that Radagast gave me. I pulled it out, opening it excitedly. 'What's that?' Kili asked, drawing the attention of the rest of the table.

'Don't know yet. Radagast gave it to me, so I'm sure it will be _awesome.'_ I winked at him. Inside the pouch were about half a dozen mushrooms. Aw, yes.

'I want one, too!' Kili said in a hushed voice, grabbing at the pouch.

I ripped it away from him, but handed one over anyway. He shoved it in his mouth whole and swallowed it. I took my time with mine, downing it in a few bites. It tasted earthy, like the shrooms back home, but different somehow, like a whole new kind of earth.

We grinned at each other, waiting. Fili shook his head. 'Best put it away before Uncle sees,' he said.

I shrugged. 'He can't detest me any more than he already does. Actually, I take that back. Once he sees Kili and I trip, he'll lose his shit.'

Kili leaned against me, giggling already and clearly responding to unseen stimuli. The first thing I noticed were the textures, of the table, the goblet of wine, the wine itself, magnified. Then the food fight started, but all I saw were doves above me, winding in and out of slinky-like toys, and a dimension underneath us where I saw my family and the hospital that I worked at, all grey and out of reach, separated from me as if by a wall of glass. I saw the sounds of the dwarrow's laughter with my eyes, different colours for different sounds, and volumes, and frequencies, glorious rainbows of noises.

A fair while later (it felt like a while, anyway. Fili told me it was no more than thirty minutes) Kili and I lay next to each other near the fire, staring up at the sky and watching the stars, talking about what we'd seen. Mine were fairly garden-variety for a shroom trip. Kili saw the whole world from the point of view of an eagle; who was apparently a manifestation of the dwarven god Mahal, the creator of all the dwarrows.

'Neat,' I'd commented, before we fell into a comfortable silence.

'My brother is watching us.' Kili said. I could feel, rather than see, his smirk.

My eyes surreptitiously darted around the little alfresco area that the company had set up camp on, to find Fili sitting about eight feet away, head down but eyes firmly on us. He'd shed the fur and leathers, and now was dressed in a brown tunic, forearms exposed, his whole muscled form more evident. The shadows from the fire danced across his face. Mahal, he was gorgeous. My stomach did that little thing again, that flipping sensation.

'But why?' I'd asked Kili, meaning it rhetorically.

'He is in love with you.' Kili answered. 'He has been since we met you at Bag End.'

Jesus. That escalated quickly. My immediate reflex action was to say 'bullshit'. Kili snickered.

'Think what you will. I know my brother.'

I was now well and truly speechless.

'He's different. Not even in a subtle way, in a profound way. You're precious to him. The way he looks at you, and worries for you, and is just, _interested_, in everything about you.'

I said the only thing I could think of. 'But I'm not royalty. I'm not even a…' I was about to say _dwarf_, but thought better of it.

Kili shrugged. 'Dwarrows marry for love, not status or wealth.' He said simply.

First we were getting high, now we were discussing the prospect of being brother and sister one day. I was well and truly over the shrooming experience now. All I felt was pensive excitement. I had to be careful. I couldn't get my hopes up.

'Thorin hates me. He'll never approve of me.'

'So you do fancy him, too!' Kili said triumphantly. 'I knew it. And Uncle doesn't hate you. You just weren't planned.'

_Not planned_, I thought, like an unwanted pregnancy. Great.

'And you're fairly feisty and opinionated for a woman. Uncle just isn't used to it. I find it endearing.'

I grinned in the dark, looping my arm through his. _This guy…_

Thorin, as it turned out, didn't quite go batshit crazy at me getting his nephew high with some bush drugs scored from a crazy wizard hippy, because he wasn't there. I found out later that he, Balin, Bilbo and Gandalf had gone off for a secret squirrels meeting with Lord Elrond to figure out what the map meant.

I was glad for the lack of menacing glares directed my way that evening, and I wandered over to Fili, feeling mighty awkward considering what Kili had just told me, but secretly thrilled that this amazing dwarf was possibly attracted to me, too.

I sat down, shrugging my cloak off and kicking my legs out in front of me, and looking at him.

'You and Kili are getting along fairly well.' He said. I felt like there was a great big qualifier coming.

'Yep, your brother's hilarious. Reminds me of a friend of mine back home.'

'A friend?' He looked concerned.

Oh my god. Jealous Fili. I smiled hugely. 'Yes,' I stated emphatically, '_just _a friend.'

We looked at each other. I think he probably knew that I knew. I yawned hugely, hastening to cover my mouth.

'Come on, time for bed.' He pulled me to my feet.

We rolled our bedrolls out next to each other again, and with a few extra blankets provided to us by our hosts, I drifted off to sleep with the feeling of warm breath on my forehead, and his shoulder touching mine.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

It was one of those nights sleep where you slept so hard that it feels like no time had passed before awakening. The sun was well and truly up when I opened my eyes. I sat up and looked around. Most of the company weren't there. Bifur and Bofur were sitting quietly near the fireplace, one cleaning his spear and the other reading.

I was approached by a tall lady elf, wearing silky-looking brown clothing that matched her silky brown hair. _Why are they all so good-looking? _

'My lady Bonnie,' she said, 'would you care to bathe? I will show you to the bath-houses if you wish.'

Fuck. Yes. Bath.

I jumped up, immediately feeling self-conscious about my lack of height. The lady elf looked down at me, smiling softly. 'Tari, at your service. Follow me, my lady.'

I'd never been called a lady before. It endeared me towards her, and I skipped along beside her, bag dangling from my shoulder. She didn't walk - she glided along the ground, slowly, like she was stoned. All elves, I found, walked exactly like she did.

I wondered aloud where Fili and the rest of the company had got to. 'They are at the men's bathhouse. The two young princes were hesitant to leave you alone, but I assured them that you would be safe.' She smiled slightly.

We stopped at a small archway that was hewn into a rock face. It was elaborately carved, in the style that was everywhere in Rivendell. I could hear the trickle of running water behind it. Tari handed me a soft white cloth, which I assumed was a towel, for all intents and purposes, and bowed her head to me before departing. Shame. I wanted to ask her more about her life here. I walked through the archway and down a winding passage. The passage opened into a steam-filled room with rock walls, and large, spacious baths sunken into the ground, lit by candles and natural light emitting from a small window at the end of the room.

How very peaceful. The place was empty, too. Bonus. I stripped off and dunked myself as quickly as I could into the warm water. I sat there and soaked my whole body for a while, washing and rubbing oil into my skin. I stayed for a long time, my skin getting more and more wrinkled.

After I was clean, dry and dressed in my spare clothes, I washed my old clothes and wrung them out, walking back to the camp and hanging them up. I was sitting out in the sun drying my hair in a little secluded nook about 10 feet below the camp, when Fili returned.

'Hello,' I called up to him.

He wandered down the stone steps to my little hidey-hole and sat next to me, smiling. His hair was damp, but the braids were still perfect.

'Good morning,' he said, smiling. His expression changed, and he leaned towards me, took a big sniff, and wrinkled his nose.

'What?' I asked. 'I'm clean! I smell lovely!'

'You smell like an _elf_,' he retorted, leaning back.

'Nothing wrong with _elves_,' I said. 'Don't be racist, Fili. They're all right, they've given us food and a _bath_.' I emphasised the last word, smiling hugely and closing my eyes. It was really good to feel clean.

He just looked at me, almost disbelievingly, and shook his head. 'Sometimes I wonder if you're even a dwarf, Bonnie.'

I didn't really know what to say to that. He was, of course, dead right. I just gave a non-committal shrug of my shoulders.

We sat there in the sunshine in silence, just looking at each other. I think this was the point at which I realised that there was no going back, to my old life, I mean….That there was no way in hell that I could ever leave. Leave this place, leave _him._

'Would you like me to braid your hair?' He asked suddenly.

Cue heart exploding again. 'Yes.' Pregnant pause. 'Please.'

He got up, placed his hands on my upper arms to guide my body to face away from his, and settled himself behind me, legs either side of me. My skin was on fire, and I was now well and truly tachycardic. This was the closest we had been. My whole body stiffened as he gathered my hair off my neck and began working with it. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but every time his rough hands touched my skin as he braided, the butterflies flapped around in my stomach, making me squirm.

This was getting ridiculous. Something needed to happen, and soon.

He put in two braids at the front of my hair, joining into one at the back. He tied the braid off with a knot made of my own hair, swinging my braid over my shoulder so I could feel it, and moving to sit beside me, legs still half around me.

'I wish I had something to put in your braid, a bead like mine, perhaps. Then you'd be a real dwarf.' He teased.

I smiled at him. He smiled back, all gentle blue eyes and dimples. I found it hard to believe that this guy was a seasoned warrior, capable of killing with his bare hands, and a future king to boot. He'd just braided my bloody hair, after all.

'Thankyou.' I said quietly, before adding happily, 'you can make me a bead when we get Erebor back.'

He did something then, lifting his hand and gently running his thumb along my jaw line, and down my neck. His lips parted slightly and his eyes were all bright.

Oh my god, I'd thought. Something's going to happen.

Nothing did happen, though. The rest of the company started arriving, all raucous laughter and thundering footsteps. FFS.

'Where's Fili and Bonnie?' I heard Thorin ask.

'I don't know.' Kili answered, and in a fairly patronising tone, added 'leave them alone, Uncle. Fili's happy.'

Thorin made a grunting noise, and trailed off with 'as long as he doesn't get distracted…'

I couldn't help but grin hugely at that point. That almost sounded like approval.

Fili helped me to my feet and we walked up the stairs to join the company. None of them said anything about my new hairdo, but exchanged a few looks with each other.

_What the fecking hell was Fili not telling me?_ I resolved to ask him later, but my thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Gandalf and Lord Elrond Himself.

They approached _me._ I froze, feeling bewildered.

'Bonnie, dear,' Gandalf said, 'might Lord Elrond and I have a few moments of your time, somewhere private?'

That sentence sounded oddly inappropriate. I narrowed my eyes slightly, before looking around at Thorin and Fili, who were also looking suspiciously at Lord Elrond. Thorin and Fili looked at each other, appearing to have a silent conversation with little more than their eyebrows, before turning back to the two tall ones. Thorin nodded once.

'Great, now that I have your _permission_..' I snapped, regretting it immediately and refusing to meet their glances. I fastened my belt and sword around me and stomped off.

Elrond glided ahead, leading Gandalf and I up a windy staircase and onto a small stone platform, like an amphitheatre that overlooked the river. The sun was almost directly overhead. There was nowhere to sit, but Mahal, it was a beautiful place. I tore my eyes away from the panorama and turned back to the elf and the wizard.

'So, um, what did you want to talk about?'


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

'I hope you don't mind us calling you away from your companions, my lady Bonnie.' Elrond said.

'Not at all.'

'Very well. It is a pleasure to have you as a guest of Rivendell. I do not believe we have hosted a lady dwarf in nearly five centuries.'

Good god. I hoped that if we reclaimed Erebor that I wouldn't be chained up inside for my own 'safety' and never allowed back here…

'Gandalf has told me of your predicament. I am sorry you have been ripped from your world and thrust into ours. It is most unusual, and I wonder, now that you have been here a short time, what you plan to do now?'

I felt a bit confused. 'What do you mean? I'm going on this quest now…'

He nodded, but continued slowly, 'what I mean is, do you want to stay, or go?'

I realised he was referring to Middle Earth. What did I want? I now had no idea. My entire life had been turned on its head. Before coming here, I had grand plans of continuing my work, becoming a surgeon, and living out my days as a crazy spinster cat-lady. It was the choice I made, in the era that women were able to make those kinds of choices. I was in the ideal position of being able to achieve that – clever, independent, unattached, hard-working. I never had too much interest in men – if one that I liked and who fit in with my life came along, then all well and good, but I wasn't too bothered.

Now, though, I was here in Middle Earth, on this noble quest for glory, riches and reclaiming a lost home. I was (somewhat reluctantly I'm sure) accepted into the company, and allowed to continue my medical role although I had no idea for how long. There was no such thing as feminism here, although I had not been treated poorly for being a woman, rather I was treasured, for which I was very thankful. And I had bonded with the company, and one in particular. Those few precious moments in the little nook with him near the campsite had proven one thing – there was no way I could go back now, even though there was a part of me that wanted to, that missed my family and my life.

'Bonnie?' Gandalf asked, searching my face for expression. He looked worried.

'I want to stay.' I said. Elrond and Gandalf exchanged a look, smiling and visibly relaxing.

'I don't think I could go back, even if I wanted to,' I continued.

Elrond's expression turned to one of graveness, and pity, almost. 'No, Bonnie, I don't believe there's any way you could. I'm sorry.'

Even though I'd made my choice, there was an air of finality in Elrond's words. It was the moment I finally realised that I would never see my family again, would never hear my mother sing, or help my father with his garden, or sit quietly while my sister did my hair. There was no Fili or Kili nearby to stop the tears, this time. They rolled down my cheeks despite my frantic attempts to wipe them away before Gandalf and Elrond saw.

I didn't want to appear weak, to have them believe that I couldn't cope with this information, nor have the gall to cope with this _journey_, which had the potential for even greater grief and loss. Gandalf approached and drew me to him, and I buried my face in his robes and let the tears come, sobbing quietly; no longer caring what they thought.

It was a good few minutes before I was able to stop sobbing. I let Gandalf go, dried my eyes on my shirt and stared off into the distance, breathing deeply. Elrond was still there, looking at me kindly and pityingly. I forced my features back into a smile and said, 'it's ok, I'll be ok.'

'Yes, you will.' He said. 'May I see your sword?'

That was a quick change of subject. I drew it out of the sheath and handed it over. He took it from me and drew the hilt close to his face, inspecting it. His breath seemed to catch in his throat.

'Ringil,' he whispered the word, lustily, and with reverence.

Gandalf gasped quietly next to me. 'I believed it lost.' He said.

'Huh?' I asked.

Elrond looked at me. 'Ringil is the sword of Fingolfin, High King of the Noldor, my great-great-grandfather. It is named thus because its blade glitters like ice under the light of the stars. In the common tongue it might have been called _Cold-star_.

'Fingolfin wounded Morgoth, the being from which all evil in Middle Earth stems, with Ringil, before he was killed in the Siege of Angband. It is an ancient and precious blade.'

Oh no, they're going to take it away, I'd thought.

'May it serve you well, Bonnie. Do keep it safe.' He handed Ringil back to me.

What?!

'If it's precious, then shouldn't it stay here and be put in a museum or something?' I asked. 'I mean, it's your family heirloom!'

'I don't know what this _museum_ you refer to is, Bonnie,' Elrond said, 'Ringil was thought lost for thousands of years, so it matters not. I would far rather see Ringil in the service of good, rather than on display here, unused. It _is _precious, but it was made to be wielded.'

I grinned happily, carefully putting Ringil back in the sheath. 'Thankyou. Best present ever!'

Gandalf beamed.

'Now, Bonnie. I have some things here for you, that I hope you will take with you on this quest and find useful.' Elrond continued, walking over to a small table at the end of the platform. I followed, curious.

On it stood an ornately-carved wooden flask, and a book bound with leather and tied closed. I looked at Elrond for an explanation.

'The flask contains a special substance, a cordial called _Miruvor. _A small sip will renew a grown man's strength and vigour, and allow them to carry on when their task seems insurmountable. All elvish healers carry it, and since you are a friend of the elves, and a healer, you ought to carry it too.

The book is an encyclopaedia of sorts, a tome of elvish healing. I hope you find it instructive.'

They were entrusting their secrets to an outsider, even though I was a friend. They were kingly gifts.

'Lord Elrond,' I asked, 'why?'

He knew what I meant. 'I have the gift of foresight, my lady. I see the utility that these items will bring for you, and I see the good in you.'

_That_ was fairly ambiguous. I frowned, biting my lip.

'Although, Bonnie, my gifts do not extend as far as your own. Gandalf has told me of the things you know. Will you tell me how this will end?' He looked fearful, imploring me to give him good news.

I thought back to the night I met Gandalf at Bag End, when he agreed with me that I shouldn't say too much, just in case the information I divulged tampered with fate, or whatever. But I couldn't help it – I let a massive grin spread across my face, and Elrond matched it. God he was quick.

He nodded once. 'Thankyou, my lady,' he said quietly, and gestured for Gandalf and I to leave.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

That was intense, I thought to myself. Now I need a fucking pipe.

Gandalf and I didn't speak as we walked back to the encampment. Most of the company were there, and openly stared as I crossed the camp to where I'd set up my bedroll.

I avoided their eyes, especially Fili's, keeping mine firmly on the ground as I put my presents in my bag as quick as I could, then drawing Ringil out of the sheath and laying it on the ground in front of me.

What in the hell was I honestly supposed to do with this thing? How was I going to live up to it, look after it and, to put it bluntly, stick it where it needs to go?

_Jesus. _That sounded terrible.

It was Balin who eventually came over and sat down beside me.

'I've got a fancy sword, Balin.' I said, pressing my lips together and trying not to snort. _Oh, the innuendo. _

'Aye, that you do, lassie, and you will no doubt be needing lessons on the use of your sword.'

Donotlaugh.

'Y-yes', I said, letting a small giggle escape.

The old warrior gave me a quizzical look, but carried on. 'I can instruct you, if you wish.'

Ok, serious face. 'Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks, Balin.'

'But not today,' he said. 'We continue on at first light tomorrow. Today is just for rest.'

Sounded good to me. After Balin left me, I dug my tin out of my bag. Only enough left for about four cones. I felt depressed. Old Toby was nice, but it wasn't MJ.

I rested that afternoon down in my little hidey-hole by myself, after a cheeky pipe or two, not fancying company. I am also disgusted to inform you that athelas is a rubbish drug and didn't get me high at all. Perhaps I was doing it wrong, I don't know. The entire company (bar Thorin and Galdalf, thank god) watched me attempt to smoke the stuff, laughing hysterically when I had a massive coughing fit that made my face turn purple and my eyes stream. Never again.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember was coming to just as night was falling, and I felt cold. The moon was up already. It seemed a lot bigger here than back at home. That then triggered off thoughts of home, where I don't know if I even existed anymore.

I huffed and got up, determined to arrest those thoughts before they bothered me too much. What Elrond had told me earlier was still sitting like a lump in the back of my mind, but like any good doctor I just decided to harden the fuck up and get on with it. There would be time later to grieve or do whatever I needed to do.

The company were dotted around a campfire, smoking, reading and talking. It was a warm and comfortable atmosphere, and I smiled, thinking this afterlife could be a lot worse. Bofur was roasting sausages, Bifur was roasting lettuce, and Fili was sat out nearby on a stool having a pipe.

I wandered over there and stood next to him. He looked up.

'You've been asleep a while. Maybe the kingsfoil was better than you thought,' he smirked.

I kicked his leg lightly. 'And where have _you_ been all afternoon?'

'Around,' he said, and changed the subject. 'What did Gandalf and the elf want?'

'You know, his name is Lord Elrond…' Fili scoffed at this, muttering '_lord.'_ 'He wanted to talk to me about healing, and about my sword, and my future plans.'

Fili gave me an enquiring look, then, but that was interrupted by Bofur throwing a sausage to Bombur, the table collapsing under his weight and he fell spectacularly to the ground, his little legs sticking up above his belly.

That was fucking great. Everyone cracked up, with the exception of Thorin, of course, although he _did_ smile and let out a regal-sounding guffaw. Definitely a king.

Fili was still giggling, face red with the effort. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms, and shook his head, braids swishing. Oh my god. Fili and his braids. My guts squirmed again.

He took a big breath and looked back to me. 'So, Bonnie, what _are _your future plans?'

'This quest.' I said. 'That's as far as I've got.'

'Why?'

'Well, I don't have a home or a family anymore, or a job, really. So I honestly don't know what to do after this.'

He considered that for a moment. I think he must have realised that I had actually lost everything I loved and owned and wasn't just catastrophising. 'You have a home, if not in Erebor, in Ered Luin. You're one of us.'

Bless.

I grinned at him. 'And what about _your _future plans?'

'I will keep learning from my uncle, because I am his heir and one day I will take over from him.'

Oh my god, he was so trying to be humble about it._ Wow._

'So that means becoming a more capable warrior, learning battle strategy, accompanying my uncle on official engagements and…' He was cut off by Thorin, who had walked over with Balin.

'Gandalf will soon be going into Counsel,' he said to us. 'He believes the elves will still try and stop us, so we must be ready to leave while we still have the cover of darkness.'

We nodded. I felt a little put out, though, since that meant Gandalf would not be coming with us.

Thorin turned to me, his expression a bit softer than normal. 'Are you sure you're all right with that, Bonnie?' He asked, almost teasingly.

'Yeah. Course.' I said. I was a freaking doctor, after all. Ward rounds started at seven. I was used to getting up early.

After a leisurely dinner provided by our hosts, we busied ourselves with making sure everything could be gathered and packed up quickly in the morning.

I sat up reading my Elvish healing book for quite a few hours, not feeling sleepy at all because of my afternoon nanna nap. It always happens, even though naps seem like a good idea at the time. Fili and Kili had gone to sleep a while earlier, the former reaching up to touch the back of my arm and whispering 'good night'. In between reading, I stole a great many glances at his peaceful sleeping face, his dimples still apparent even though he wasn't smiling.

The sound of the dwarrows' snores was oddly comforting to me, as I lay there later, waiting for sleep to come. Balin sat near to the dying fire, wide awake. I was the only woman in the company but I felt safe; even though the road was dangerous, the men keeping watch over the company were warriors. The line between consciousness and sleep became blurred, and I dreamed of dwarrows in battle gear, big crescent moons, and dimly-lit bath houses.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

I woke up to Fili gently shaking me awake. 'Bonnie, wake up. It's time to go.'

It was still dark, and the moon was still up. No one spoke, but rather moved about quietly, taking what food was left and packing up the camp. I lay there in my blankets, relishing the last of the warmth and feeling grumpy.

Bilbo looked grumpier. I could tell the poor little bugger really enjoyed being here, and the whole concept of a _hobbit _was far better received by the elves than the dwarrows. He moped about, dawdling and grumbling to himself.

I dawdled a bit, too. The elven blankets provided to us were lovely and warm despite being thin and lightweight. I rolled one up with my bedroll, again silently apologising to my hosts and promising to return the favour one day, but glad to have a little extra comfort for the road.

Within the hour we were climbing out of the valley and into the Misty Mountains. It was rather pretty, watching the river thunder beneath as the sun rose, bathing the Last Homely House in a warm glow. However, the path was windy and rocky and narrow, and there were far too many stairs for my liking. At least my ass was getting a workout.

Thorin was pontificating again, saying things like 'we're about to step over the Edge of the Wild' like it was a place, or something. Bilbo and I lagged at the back of the group, not really wanting to go _anywhere_ that was wild. Wild meant orcs.

The afternoon was much more pleasant, and I played with my sideburns as I walked. They didn't bother me too much – the company I kept were incredibly hairy in comparison. I'd asked Kili about my sideburns later, feeling a bit self-conscious, but was cheered up considerably when he told me that lady dwarrows indeed have beards like the men, and compared to other dwarrow ladies, I was fairly bald-of-face.

'You know, it's why my uncle was so unsociable when he met you, because you have no facial hair, although now that Fili has taken an interest in you, he's trying to be more accepting.' Kili told me.

I was both amazed that he was a) so cavalier about the whole Fili thing and b) basically describing a whole new ignorant 'ism' akin to racism and sexism. _I _couldn't freaking help that I had no beard, ffs.

At least he hadn't forbidden Fili's 'interest' entirely. I thought my drug use, preference for sailor language and lack of submissiveness would be far worse deal-breakers than my lack of beard. Made no bloody sense.

What else that made no bloody sense was Fili's complete indifference. He didn't even look at me or speak to me all day. When we stopped for the evening in a small grassy glade that was sheltered from the wind by dark, sharp-looking stone boulders that contrasted magnificently with the vegetation, he continued to ignore me. I felt hurt, and wandered off by myself gathering twigs for kindling and thinking I could really murder a bottle of tequila.

This was the sort of bullshit I could have really used another female for – to bitch and moan and attempt to decode what was going on. My best friend Bec, the one who made me watch Lord of the Rings, was always good for it. Mahal, I missed her. She was the one who had the interest; she should be the one on this adventure.

Actually no, I take that back. Being on this adventure would mean _she_ would be the dead one, with no belongings or family, with the exception of the probably grieving unseen family back home. It was exciting stuff being here, I'll admit, but the _cost_…. Let's just say I still wasn't sure that it was all worth it.

I dumped the pile of twigs next to where Dwalin and Ori were building the fire, Dwalin grunting in thanks and the much more affable Ori looking up, smiling and brightly saying 'thankyou, Bonnie!'

Dori and Bombur set about preparing dinner, but I wasn't needed for that. I opened my bedroll over in a secluded corner and took out my elvish healing book, thinking I could read a little while I had some daylight.

Balin had other ideas. 'Come on, lassie. Let's test out that blade of yours.' He pulled out his own sword and led me over to the mouth of the glade, still in full view of the company.

'Do we have to do it right here?' I whined. 'Everyone's watching.'

He puckered his mouth up and narrowed his eyes. _I guess we do…_

His sword was a proper broad sword, unlike Ringil, which looked almost flimsy in comparison. The first lesson was not onerous, he just made me follow his movements like a thai chi lesson, and he explained the movements as we did them – blocking and attack, each designed for power and causing as much damage as possible. It reminded me of the age-old battle tactic which was to wound rather than kill, since wounded soldiers were more resource-intensive than dead ones.

'Very good, my lady Bonnie.' Balin said, now smiling indulgently. It was almost dark now. 'Tomorrow we will begin light sparring. You seem ready enough.'

_Great. _If I had to learn about combat, I would have much preferred a crossbow than a sword, even if Ringil was the prettiest sword in the world. Still, they were all useful skills that could very well save my life one day, and I was grateful.

I thanked Balin and we wandered back to camp, sitting down. Fili still wouldn't look at me.

_What in the hell was wrong with him?_

I sat on the opposite side of the fire. His face was that impassive mask again, and he stared into the flames, every now and then taking a slow drag from his pipe and chatting to Ori and Nori, who sat to his left. I shook my head, feeling bewildered, and took my book out again since there was enough light from the fire to read by.

I continued to read after dinner. The conversation turned to names, and the meanings of each of the company's names and why they were chosen. I learned that Fili meant 'file' and Kili meant 'wedge'. That honestly sounded rather boring.

Bilbo asked me, 'Bonnie, does your name mean the same as it does in the Shire? It is quite a popular name for girls, it means 'pretty'.'

I looked up. 'Yep, it means the same, but my parents chose it because it's in one of my mother's favourite songs.'

'What is the song?' Bilbo asked.

'An old folk song from my homeland, the Skye Boat Song. It's about the escape of a prince from the Battle of Culloden over two centuries ago.'

'Will you sing it?'

I knew he was going to bloody ask that. I could fairly hold a tune, but Mahal, having to sing in front of Fili, and Thorin… My insides writhed around uncomfortably.

'Uhh, sure.' Cue uncomfortable silence. Every one of them, including Fili, was now looking, waiting.

_Speed bonnie boat, like a bird on a wing,_

_Onward! The sailors cry;_

_Carry the lad that's born to be King_

_Over the sea to Skye._

_Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar, _

_Thunderclouds rend the air; _

_Baffled, our foes stand by the shore, _

_Follow they will not dare._

The whole rendition I didn't take my eyes off Fili, and he didn't take his eyes off me. He was the point of visual fixation that gave me the guts to finish. I _hated_ public performance and was fairly hopeless at it my entire life. Odd that the presence of the object of my affection made the whole experience easier!

He smiled and clapped along with the rest of the company.

I was half asleep later, when I groggily noted someone rolling his bedroll out next to mine. I couldn't remain conscious any longer, but felt smooth lips and a rough beard graze my forehead, and he whispered 'goodnight, _Bonnie._'

**Thankyou for the follows and reviews, the good and the bad! I appreciate the feedback. **

**Just a quick bit of background. Fili is my favourite character from the book and the movies, and Bonnie is based on my own best friend. I just want them to have the love they deserve!**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Did that even happen? Can't bloody know….

I dreamed of him that night, and like in every manic love-struck woman's dream he was running away from me, saying things like 'I didn't mean what I said,' 'it was all in your head' and 'I need to just focus on this quest.' Okay, that last one was actually quite reasonable, come to think of it.

And like in every bad dream I ever had while human, once you realise it's a dream that you've had a guts full of, you can always, _always_ choose to wake up. I jerked back into consciousness with a gasp.

It was pitch black, and the air was still and cool. The next thing I noticed was the arm curled around me. The nice warm arm attached to an even warmer body. I turned over to face him and his arm tightened, pulling me in closer. I buried my face in his chest, quite forgetting my dream. There was only a thin layer between the ground and us, but I was the most comfortable I think I'd ever been. I had reached up to his face then, running my fingers through his beard, and just lay there quietly, memorising how he smelled.

For the second time, I felt his lips gently graze my forehead. It was long and soft, and his lips lingered in the same place, after that. My guts were on fire. All it would take was me tilting my head back a bit, reaching up just a little bit more, and then it'd be on.

No, Bonnie. For god's sake. _Distraction. _

I focused very hard on my breathing, and must have fallen asleep again because the next thing I knew was waking up to the pink sunrise, my leg now in between Fili's, and Kili standing over us, looking, hands on hips, smiling like only a shit-eater smiles.

_Busted. _

I tore myself out of the embrace as quick as silver. Fili didn't even stir. I lay there on my back, looking wide-eyed at Kili and not daring to speak first.

Thank fucking Mahal Thorin wasn't awake yet. I imagined all manner of scenarios where he was standing where Kili was, mostly ending with me either being banished or flung bodily off a nearby cliff.

Kili giggled like a teenager, even as he pulled me to my feet. 'Come on, _future sister-in-law_', he teased. 'Help me stoke the fire.'

I yawned and ruffled my hair, following him and noting gladly that everyone else was still asleep. I glanced back at Fili, who was now flat out on his back, eyes closed, one arm behind his head and looking all glorious.

I sat, throwing twigs on the fire as Kili stirred the coals with a poker. He still hadn't mentioned finding Fili and me curled up together, although the little bugger hadn't stopped grinning. The sun broke over the horizon and bathed the campsite. The rest of the company were starting to stir, awoken by the soft noise of the fire crackling.

Kili crouched down beside me. 'So, you and my brother, hey?'

Oh, crap. 'I don't know what you're talking about.' I said, barely able to keep a straight face.

'You know, he never had much interest in the ladies before now. All he's ever been interested in is learning how to fight and be king. It was always going to take a very special lady to…well, I thought I'd have to give him a good hard shove in the right direction, but he's not doing too badly for himself, so far.' He mused, _still _smiling.

'Oh my god, Kili. I'm sitting right here!'

'Take the compliment and be grateful.' He said, teasing again.

'Isn't Fili older than you?' I asked.

He nodded. 'Fili is eighty-two, five years older than I.'

Sweet effing mother of god. _What?_

I'd tried not to react, but Kili noticed. 'You look surprised, lady Bonnie. May I ask your age?'

_Blend in._ I thought to myself. 'Erm, I'm seventy-…_five?_' I said hesitantly.

Kili looked suspicious, but said nothing, busying himself with setting the kettle over the fire. Phew. In my head, I projected the life expectancy of dwarrows to be over 200. Weird, but ok, cool.

The company were beginning to move about the camp, murmuring 'good morning' to each other and packing up for the day. Fili awoke, looking around. I caught his eye and grinned. He grinned back, but I looked away before I could turn bright red again.

The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful. We walked a lot more, and the vegetation had begun to change to one that was sparse and very rocky. Soon we were climbing up higher into the mountains, the paths becoming rockier and narrower and far less interesting.

The men of the company talked amongst themselves, but I was mostly silent, deep in thought.

This was way too easy. I hadn't had a lot to do with dating and relationships before; I'd always been far too busy and focused on work. It was supposed to be about game-playing, and the thrill of the chase, and finding excuses not to call him back until some arbitrary number of days had passed since your last meeting. That's what women were taught, that's what I remembered learning about dating.

It seemed quite silly. Even though we hadn't even kissed, let alone done anything more, I was reasonably confident that it would happen eventually. That when you meet someone who you not only were attracted to, but feel they will eventually become a very important person to you, all that crap just goes right out the window. But it still felt way too easy, and I thought darkly that it definitely wasn't going to stay this easy.

It wasn't only my thoughts that turned dark. At that point, I noticed the black clouds gathering, sweeping quickly towards us from the east. I hadn't even noticed that the wind had picked up, even though we were fairly high up and it was freezing cold.

The path was now a slippery, narrow death trap that ringed its way around and up the mountain. The rain began pelting us violently, and everyone turned collars and hoods up to guard from the wet. My cloak was thick and warm, but the rain still got in.

I walked along behind Fili, and he kept glancing backwards at me as we trudged upward in single file. The thunderstorm that had been threatening now arrived, and I cringed as the noise of the claps rocked my body, crouching involuntarily when a lighting bolt lit up the now night-sky.

A great gust of wind briefly flattened me against the mountain. Fili turned around and grabbed hold of me. Even though it was dark I could tell he looked worried. One gust the other way and I probably would have fallen off. It was a good five hundred foot fall off the path, a path that was slippery and not two feet wide.

'Bonnie, be careful.' He almost had to shout. 'Stay as close as you can to the mountain.' We crouched together as a metric shit-ton of rock fell from above and smashed down onto the path directly in front of us, missing us by inches.

Thorin's voice roared out from the front of the company. 'We must find shelter!'

Well, no shit, Sherlock. This was the pits.

I really, really needed a cone.

I'd just heard Bofur mention something about stone giants, and that's when I saw it.

Oh my god. We're going to freaking _die. _


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

I crouched and shielded my head from the shower of rock that cascaded down the side of the mountain. It was terrifying, petrifying, yet I could not look away. The giants (yes, plural) were having a brawl, causing the entire mountain to shake and groan with the rumbling sound of fracturing rock.

The path split in two right in front of Fili.

'Kili, take my hand!' He yelled desperately, lunging forward to his brother, now being whisked away with the other half of the group and looking as horrified as I was. I grabbed Fili's coat and pulled him back to relative safety, although we were now moving at an alarming speed, carried away on the path, now a part of a stone giant's bloody leg.

This could not get any worse.

We flew past them, the motion nearly causing me to fly off into the depths below, but Fili had a firm arm across my front, pinning me to the giant behind me. We came within a few feet of the company, somehow now safely off the giant's other leg. Thorin, in all his wisdom, yelled as we passed 'jump!'

_Yeah, mate. Sure._

I looked up just in time to see our giant receive an enormous uppercut from another, and the thing started crumpling to the ground, thrusting us forward back towards the mountain.

This is it, I thought. Death by stone-giant-crushing. They can sing _'glory, glory what a hell of a way to die'_ at my funeral.

_Hold on, wasn't I already dead?_ I got hit by a bus…

The giant crashed into the mountain, but the crushing never came. Instead I just got shunted back onto the mountain path, and not able to see or catch myself, smacked my head on the rock. I cried out with the pain, staring wildly around me and blinking away the stars.

Thorin rounded the corner, seeing us alive and heaving with the relief. He pulled me to my feet, studying my face. 'You're bleeding, Bonnie.' He said, giving me a brief squeeze on the shoulder and moving on to the others. I felt mildly affronted at the apathy, putting my hand up to my face and feeling a great line of blood streaming down from a cut just inside my hairline. Bugger. Head wounds were messy.

I barely had time to care, because Bilbo was nowhere to be seen. Bofur found him hanging from the ledge by just his fingertips. We both flung ourselves belly down on the path and reached down to him, yelling and pleading for him to grab our hands. The poor thing looked like he was going to faint again. He slipped down further, making my stomach lurch. Thorin bravely jumped down, swinging from the rock like a trapeze artist and pulling him up to safety. Any good karma he earned was immediately nullified by insulting Bilbo profusely after the fact, saying he had no place in the company. _A) ouch, and B) what a pile of bollocks_. I didn't, however, have enough energy or wits to retort. I sat against the side of the mountain, just resting for a minute. It had been a long day.

It was almost too good a coincidence that there was a nice, big, dry cave a few metres ahead. As Dwalin and Thorin scouted it, making sure nothing gross lurked in the back, Fili came over to me, lifting me up like a small child and enveloping me in a hug.

Well, that was nice, except he pulled away almost immediately, wiping my blood off his cheek.

'Oh my god, sorry. I bled on you.'

'Bonnie. Are you hurt badly?' He asked, looking me over.

'No, it's just a little cut.' I fished around in my bag for a piece of cloth, folding it neatly. He took it out of my hands, which were still shaking, and pressed it to my head.

'Ow.' I said, looking at him. He looked furious. I wondered immediately what I'd done.

'What's the matter?' I asked.

He shook his head. 'You and Kili nearly died, and I couldn't do anything about it. And you, you're here and you're a lady, and now you're hurt. It shouldn't have happened.'

I cringed and looked down, thinking that he was angry at me for being on this quest with him, and being the distraction that Thorin didn't want for him.

My eyes brimmed. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean…'

He looked immediately surprised, and cut me off. 'Bonnie, what in Durin's name do you have to be sorry for? You're a lady, and it is the greatest failing of a dwarf to let harm befall a lady, especially one so important.'

Good god. Did he really just say that? And what did he mean by 'important'? I hoped he was referring to how _he_ felt, and not what I knew about Middle Earth's future. And don't tell me he was blaming himself…_silly Fili. _I couldn't think of anything to say in return, and just sat there silently, gaping at him, feeling completely paralysed.

With one hand he kept pressure on my wound, and with the other he stroked my face gently, for the second time. I closed my eyes, heart palpitating and feeling acutely short of breath.

'Come on,' he said. 'Let's get out of the storm.' I swapped his hand for mine, pressing the cloth onto the cut to stem the bleeding. We passed Balin on the way into the cave.

'We didn't get to spar today, Balin.' I lamented.

'Aye, lassie. Perhaps we will get a chance tomorrow, when the weather's better.' He winked. He didn't mention my head, either.

Fili busied himself with taking my bag and rolling out my bedroll himself. Oin came over, and without fussing, bathed the wound with water and athelas. He mentioned something about the wound needing to be stitched, but I flat out refused. Instead I had an ingenious little method of dealing with head wounds, taught to me by a crazy old emergency physician when I was a med student on elective in India.

Taking a few strands of hair from either side, I tied them in a knot across the cut, pulling the edges together. Both Oin and Fili watched bemusedly as I did this, often getting my hands back to front, but managing to close the wound nicely with 4 hair-stitches in total. A good method for wriggly children with head wounds, plus no needles required! I grinned a silly grin at the two dwarrows, who exchanged a chuckle, Oin rising to go and sit with his brother.

'That was really clever.' Fili said, smiling at me and reclining onto his back. Beside him, Kili was already asleep.

I blushed. 'It wasn't my idea, but thankyou.'

'You have dried blood all over you, though.' He smiled at me, all dimpled cheeks and wet hair matted onto his forehead. _Guts on fire, again._

'Erm, well, there's sweet F.A I can do about it now.'

He wrinkled his forehead in confusion.

'Never mind,' I said hastily, and changed the subject. 'Do the others, um, not care…that I hurt myself?'

'Of course they care. Why would you think they didn't?'

'Um..' I started, not sure how to explain, but Fili knew what I meant.

'It's a sign of respect to not draw attention to a fellow dwarf's wounds. They're not being offhand with you, they just don't want to offend you.'

That's nice, I thought. 'So,' I teased, smiling hugely, 'you _weren't_ being respectful?'

He rolled his eyes. 'Go to sleep, Bonnie.'

'Right-o.' I said, lying down next to him. And hand in hand, we fell asleep, completely and blissfully unaware that this was not the worst of it; merely the beginning of the next shit-storm.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

You know those dreams you have when you're falling? Try waking up after the ground you were sleeping on seems to have disappeared…

We tumbled down a rocky slide, of sorts, yelling and cursing, eventually landing with a thump in a giant wooden basket. I landed spread-eagled on my back, having the breath knocked out of me just like when I first fell into Middle Earth. Fili landed smack on top of me, facing down, and it probably would have been quite erotic if not for our bleary-eyed bewilderment and the shrieking and clattering that announced the arrival of our captors.

He pushed himself up on his hands, pelvis digging in to mine (aw, yes), but the look on his face was one of horror, as the creatures started grabbing at us, yanking us to our feet and shoving us into a line. I recoiled as they touched me; the creatures were hideous, with rotten teeth and slimy skin, and the _stench._ Oh my sweet effing Mahal…

I dared not make a sound, though. As soon as these creatures found out I was a woman, well, those extra dangers faced by women on the road that Fili mentioned back at the Trollshaws could very well come to fruition. I frantically hoped that the combination of my sideburns plus the dried blood and dirt would keep me fairly disguised.

Who was I bloody kidding? I was going to meet the same end as my companions irrespective of gender.

We marched on and on, deeper into the mountain, and over the ricketiest of wooden bridges into a brightly-lit cavern. There were too many of these disgusting creatures to count now. There was no way we could fight them. And I still had no idea what they even _were. _

They started singing, then (I suppose you would call it singing - it was more like shrieking), and making music by hitting old bits of iron. It was the kind of sound you'd expect a toddler to make with a wooden spoon and its mother's pots and pans. I caught the end of their song as we reached a threshold 'down down down in Goblin Town.'

Right, goblins. _Goblins, _I thought seriously, as the goblin king drew into view: A gigantic, mutated lump covered in boils and with what appeared to be a chin tumour, dangling ridiculously like a pedunculated testicle. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, and with some kind of morbid resignation, admitted to myself that I'd seen actual human beings in worse condition.

We were released then, and while I continued staring around in shock and revulsion, I was flanked by Fili and Kili; the former yanking me into his side and holding me there. He looked very, very uneasy. The rest of the company were all standing in front of Thorin. That was odd, to me. I'd thought he would stand up in front, boldly announcing his presence and demanding the respect he deserved. Clearly I still had a lot to learn.

The goblins let our weapons clatter to the ground in front of the goblin king.

'Who would be so bold as to come armed into _my _kingdom? Spies, thieves, _assassins?_'

'Dwarves, your malevolence.' A nearby goblin snivelled.

'Dwarves?'

'Found them on the front porch.'

'Well don't just stand there, search them!' He shouted, and the minions converged on us, grabbing everything, grabbing _everywhere._ I felt sick.

One of them was patting me down, then suddenly let out a wheezy laugh and wrenched me violently away from Fili and out in front of the group, shoving me down on my knees in front of the goblin king.

_Damn everything to hell. This was it. _

'Oh, yess. What _have_ we got here?' He shouted, triumphant. He bent down, hands on his knees, chin wobbling dangerously just inches from my face, inspecting me. 'A lady!'

The goblins cheered. It echoed deafeningly around the cavern, and I felt the noise rumble through my chest.

'A hot commodity among dwarves, is a lady. I can think of a few things we could do with _her!_' He shouted, the crowd cheering again.

I shrank back, thinking of the meaning behind his words. He laughed, not taking his piggy, bloodshot eyes off me, not even when he smacked me across the face with his staff…

I fell sideways, seeing stars for the second time that night, but managing to get my hands beneath to catch myself. I knelt there on my hands for a moment, eyes tight, my nose burning with pain, and then the blood started gushing from my right nostril.

There was a great deal of yelling and scuffling behind me, and I glanced back to see both Fili and Kili being restrained by others in the company. That was sweet of them, I thought, but I recognised how precarious the situation was. The goblins were baiting us, trying for a reaction that would be the catalyst for the bloodbath that they so obviously wanted.

I didn't even bother trying to stem the flow of claret from my nose. I suddenly felt hatred for this place, for Middle Earth. This situation was the fucking pits. I wanted to go home, to my cushy job and my cushy life, the life that no one in particular wanted to take from me_._ I zoned out, kneeling quietly at the goblin king's feet, not hearing, seeing or thinking.

He wiped his dirty finger across my philthrum (for those non-medical people – the bit of flesh between nose and mouth), which brought my consciousness back to the situation. Slowly and deliberately, he sniffed and then tasted my blood, closing his eyes as if in ecstasy and mumbling 'mm-mmm', tormenting me and my company just a little more. I fought the urge to vomit.

'Bring up the mangler; bring up the bone-breaker! The lady shall be the first to try out the bone-breaker.' He announced, to another massive cheer, pointing directly at me.

I started to feel terror, at the thought of a protracted and painful death, and anger as well. I was angry that I was being deprived of freedom, love and respect, the most basic of human rights, and angry that my company were, too. The anger became overwhelming. I decided that I wasn't going down without a fight. I had too much left to do with my life.

Thorin had obviously had a guts full, too. He stepped forward, shouting 'enough'. I watched as he walked toward me, taking my hand and helping me to my feet, and gesturing for me to re-join the company while he made his way forward, now facing down the goblin king.

I made it back to the safety of Fili's arms, feeling much less scared than before. We watched Thorin; his face was remarkably impassive, considering. I pulled the dirty piece of gauze that I'd used on my head a few hours earlier from my pocket, and carelessly packed it into my bleeding nostril as I watched the scene in front of me.

'Well, well, look who it is. Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain,' the goblin king announced, bowing mockingly.

'But I forgot, you don't _have _a mountain, and you're not a king, which makes you – _nobody, really._'

The dirty bastard was really enjoying this. He kept going, taunting, 'I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. A pale orc, astride a white warg.'

Oh fuck, not that pale orc from the battle story that Balin told? Azog the Defiler. Yes, that… My mind searched for a word that could adequately describe such a creature.

The only one I could come up with was _cock-juggling thunder-cunt._ Clearly I was concussed.

So, Azog the cock-juggling thunder-cunt was on the hunt again. Great, just bloody great…

**Sorry for the two week updating delay, I've been working really long hours lately. On the plus side, I've got two weeks off and tomorrow I'm off to NEW ZEALAND! Whoop! Middle Earth pilgrimage!**


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Well, that dramatic scene was immediately followed by the goblin horde breaking into song again, led and conducted by their king. They sang of the torture that awaited us, while a bunch of goblin minions sifted through our confiscated belongings. I watched my bag, one of the few remaining things that connected me to my home, at the end of the pile untouched so far by their dirty fingers.

_Don't you dare touch my fucking bag, _I thought. _I'll kill you with my bare hands. Or my Fili dagger, which is still hiding quietly in my boot…_

All hell broke loose when one of them discovered Orcrist. The goblin that pulled the sword from its sheath gave a mighty yell as if it was burned, and threw Orcrist at the feet of the goblin king, who jumped back on his throne, lifting up his stubby legs as if he was an elephant trying to evade a mouse (good likeness, I'd thought, however elephants are much, much prettier. Heck, even Ettenmoor trolls are prettier).

Gandalf's entrance was as dramatic as ever. A light brighter than the sun, then all the lights went out and a huge gust of wind put everyone onto their arses.

Cue deafening silence. My nose suddenly stopped bleeding and the silhouette of the man himself yelled for us to arm ourselves. I let out a huge, overjoyed laugh and searched the ground madly for Ringil, feeling relieved when Balin threw her to me, still sheathed.

'Bonnie,' he said urgently, 'don't go on the attack, just defend yourself. Go with what feels right.'

Right. Do what feels right. _Right. _

Right hand. Let's start with that. I yanked Ringil out and held my guard, snatching my bag up over my shoulder with my left hand and taking off after Balin.

I briefly registered that I hadn't seen Bilbo in a while, and hoped he was ahead with Fili, Kili and Dwalin, who were leading the charge through the tunnels. Arrows smacked into the wood near my head and I screamed and ducked, but didn't break my pace, keeping my eyes on my company ahead.

I hadn't managed to stick Ringil in anything, but I'd run a fair way, somehow managing to keep up with everyone. I wasn't even puffed. It was the adrenaline – I'd had many of those rushes over the past week or so.

Balin was still ahead of me, now fighting three goblins at once. A smaller one snuck up behind him, sword raised and ready. I know he said not to attack, but heck, if Balin had more time there would undoubtedly have been a few disclaimers added, such as 'protect the backs of your friends'. I charged, and with a mighty swipe of Ringil, the goblin's head slid off, dark blood splattering everywhere as its body parts landed on the ground with a thump.

Balin looked around in surprise, having just managed to push all three of his goblins off the side of the bridge into the abyss below. He saw me, standing over the goblin carcass with a bloodied Ringil still held at the ready. He let out a chuckle and pushed me on front of him, and off we ran again.

We were ambushed on a wooden bridge connecting two rock pathways by the goblin king himself, who burst upwards through the bridge with much splintering of wood. I'd caught up with Fili by then, who shoved me behind him protectively.

_Bugger everything._ I thought with resignation, _we nearly made it out of here._

'What are you going to do now, wizard?' The goblin king bellowed.

Gandalf opened up the king's belly with the famous Glamdring, and cut off his chin tumour. I was in the process of laughing hysterically when the bridge gave way beneath us, and for the second time that night we were in freefall. Fili slammed himself onto the bridge and pulled me on top of him, using himself as a shield between me and the ground, giving _me_ the best possible chance of survival.

I think that was the moment. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his, an octopus writhing around in my belly that was partly to do with the freefall, likely to our deaths, and partly to do with _him._ That was the moment I felt the lust turn into something much greater, greater than love. It was belonging, and family, and trust.

Of course, the cynical part of my brain had to ruin the moment by thinking that there was no way in hell a future king would put himself in the line of fire to save a weird and lowly blow-in like myself if he didn't like me. Brain, you're an arsehole.

Where we should have been speeding up, the fragment of bridge with us on it slowed down, loudly scraping the sides of the rock before hitting the deck. Fili let out a great huff as my body was forced down against his. He kept his arms around my waist, even when a pointy bit of wood went flying past his face, embedding itself in the bridge remnants mere centimetres from his left eye.

How were we even alive? I let out another shocked laugh. Fili joined me, and of course Bofur had to say 'well, that could've been worse', which was followed by the goblin king's body landing on top of us with a bang, knocking the wind out of us again.

Dwalin lifted the timber off me, freeing us, and I helped pull Kili and Ori out of the rubble. The goblin horde descended down the rock walls, shrieking angrily and clearly wanting blood.

'Gandalf!' Kili and I cried in unison.

'There's too many, we can't fight them.' Dwalin said. Snarled, actually.

'Only one thing will save us, daylight.' And with that, Gandalf took off down a tiny little path through the rock. How the feck did he know where to go? Sneaky bugger had clearly been here before. I wondered if he had an invisibility cloak stashed in those enormous robes of his.

My thoughts turned to a nice cold ale and a nice pipe in front of a nice warm fire, shared with my company, somewhere safe. Seeing the soft glow of sunrise, of natural light, in the distance was a close rival, however. Gandalf hurried us along, and it wasn't until many years later after a few too many ales with Bilbo that I discovered just who lurked behind the rock as we thundered past.

We burst into the fresh air, and I slowed, gulping it down with relief.

'Come on, Bonnie!' Fili pulled me back into a run.

I breathed out a great moan of tiredness and exasperation, and followed after him. We ran full pelt down the side of the mountain, getting as much distance between us and Goblin Town as physically possible. We ran for ages, for many miles, before Gandalf slowed and turned around, counting us as we came to a halt around him.

My chest was heaving and my muscles burned. I leaned forward, hands on knees, trying to shift my body back into aerobic metabolism. I didn't even care who saw, I was so tired and fed up.

Bilbo wasn't there. Gandalf shouted to the company hysterically, imploring us to tell him of the hobbit's whereabouts, but we had no answers for him.

_Shit. Tit. FUCK. _Bilbo. wasn't. there. Oh no….

Thorin decided that that was a good time to insult Bilbo profusely for a second time. 'He has thought of nothing but is soft bed and his warm hearth ever since he left home. We will not be seeing our hobbit again.'

How could he sound so cold and indifferent, to _Bilbo,_ one of the most gentle and kind people ever? 'For fuck's sake, Thorin…' I started, blood boiling.

Thorin gave me his best death stare again, but was interrupted by Bilbo himself, appearing from behind a large pine tree.

'Oh!' I shouted, eyes brimming with tears of relief. I ran to him and flung my arms around him. 'Oh, thank god you're ok.' I mumbled into his shoulder. He was obviously a bit taken aback, but eventually hugged me back, murmuring 'thankyou'.

'Bilbo, we'd given you up.' Kili said.

'How on earth did you get past the goblins? Fili asked.

Bilbo evaded that one, laughing and putting his hands in his pockets. I exchanged a look with Gandalf. Something happened, wherever he was…

Gandalf recovered. 'Well, what does it matter? He's back.'

'It matters. I want to know, why did you come back?' Thorin asked, sounding less like a king than he ever had.

Bilbo's reply stunned the company into a thoughtful silence, and brought me to tears. I'm normally not a crier – years of being a hospital grunt had cured me of that – but now I couldn't even count how many times I'd cried since being here. Middle Earth had done something to me. I turned away, Fili giving me a quick rub on the arm to show me that he was there, but just letting me deal with it quietly. Oh, Mahal, bless him.

**I have written this chapter from my Queenstown holiday apartment looking out over Lake Wakatipu towards the fittingly named Remarkables mountain ranges, where part of Dimrill Dale was filmed in LOTR. What a pleasure it's been to see such an amazing part of the world that brought us such incredible movies. **

**Sorry for the updating delay, but I've been having the time of my life. Hope you enjoy **


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Bloody hell, I felt tired. Everything ached, including muscles I didn't know I had. The sun was now well up, but the company hadn't moved for a while. The warriors in the group were completely fine, but the gentler ones amongst us – myself, Bilbo, Ori – were more than a bit rattled by the multiple near-death experiences in the past night.

We had outrun the goblins, and we were safe. I stood in the sun, aimlessly fidgeting and staring into space, not quite able to comprehend what happened and not yet able to plan what to do next.

Fili came over to me. He was a bit dirty, but unharmed, thank Mahal. He looked at me intently, searching my face.

'Bonnie, are you all right?'

'Uhhh, yeah.' I said.

He didn't look convinced. 'Come on,' he muttered, and took my hand, pulling me away from the group. I glanced sideways at the company, noting that all eyes were on us as we walked away. We stopped behind a great pine tree, trunk wide enough to conceal both of us.

'Are you sure?' He asked, reaching his hands up to my face and pushing the loose strands of hair behind my ears. My stomach octopus woke up and started wriggling. I nodded.

'Balin said you fought well. Your first kill, too. I'm proud of you.'

'First…kill,' I mouthed, looking at nothing in particular.

'Bonnie?'

I rubbed my eyes, and drew in a deep breath. 'Yeah, sorry. I'm still a bit shell-shocked. You did good, too. I mean, um, I didn't see any of it, but you didn't die, so… you must've done good.'

He chuckled, and I did too, shaking my head.

'What does 'shell-shocked' mean?' He asked.

'Oh, I'm using my homeland lingo, sorry-'

'Stop saying sorry.' He interrupted, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. 'It's just our words for the reaction a person has to battle trauma.'

He said nothing to that. The atmosphere changed, and we stared at each other for a long moment. He looked down, stroking the back of my hand with his, then slowly ran his hand up my arm to my elbow.

He suddenly grabbed hold of my waist with both hands and pulled me to him. My stomach octopus was now dancing the Melbourne Shuffle and my breathing sped up.

Fark, he was gorgeous. He was _so _close, his mouth was an inch away from mine. I felt his breath, drying out my lips…

_It's going to happen. Oh my god, it's going to happen._

_My nose hurts._

_Fuck you, brain. Shut. Up. _

I tilted my face back, now feeling almost faint with the lust.

Leaves and twigs…the sound of crunching leaves and snapping twigs coming from the other side of the tree. You've got to be bloody kidding. Fili sighed and looked away, dropping his hands.

Kili rounded the tree.

I looked at him. 'You have the worst timing _in the world_.' I said slowly and matter-of-factly, emphasising the last three words.

'Oh, am I interrupting something?' He asked innocently, but quite unable to conceal his grin. He cleared his throat and his expression became serious. 'Thorin said we need to stay together as a group. No wandering off.'

I shrugged and said 'fair enough', and we walked back to the group together. The company looked at Fili and I suspiciously. I ignored them pointedly, but I did notice that many of us looked a little worse for wear, not being warriors and all.

I suddenly thought of the flask of Miruvor in my bag, the gift from Lord Elrond. What a great opportunity to try it out, the cordial of Imladris. I hurried over to my bag and pulled it out. With my back to everyone, I opened the flask and took a small sip. It tasted sweet, like non-alcoholic wine. It warmed me as it went down to my stomach, the warmth spreading from inside me out to my fingertips. My aches and pains went away and the mental fog lifted. I breathed evenly, feeling well and strong, ready for anything.

I then walked around the company, offering each of them a sip from the flask. Bilbo had it first, then Gandalf; then a couple of dwarrows including Gloin and Balin refused, but consented after Thorin agreed to take a sip. Honestly, the anti-elf agenda was getting a little tiresome.

'Well,' said Gandalf, 'I think perhaps we ought to keep moving.'

Thorin agreed, and he led the way as the company moved off and continued down the mountain. There was no path to follow, but the terrain was fairly smooth with good distance between the trees.

Ori asked me a while later in the afternoon, 'will you sing again, Bonnie? I enjoyed your song a few nights ago.'

'Ohh, no…'

'Oh, go on, Bonnie.' Gandalf said. 'Let's keep the morale up.'

I sighed, gritting my teeth and looking sideways at Fili. He smiled at me and turned his head away.

Bugger it…

Well, of course now I was put on the spot my mind went completely blank as I tried to think of a good, morale-keeping song, so I just sang the first thing that popped into my head.

'_Hey brother, there's an endless road to re-discover._

_Hey sister, know the water's sweet but blood is thicker._

_Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do._

_Hey brother, do you still believe in one another?_

_Hey sister, do you still believe in love I wonder?'_

Yes, I did. I sang _that_ to a bunch of Middle-Earth dwarrows.

Once I'd finished, they all clapped and murmured appreciatively. I watched bemusedly while all this happened.

Then Bofur said, 'my, that song is very poignant, Bonnie. Such an important message for us all.'

I couldn't help it. I let out an enormous snort. Avicii…poignant? Ha. Hahahahahaaha.

Bofur looked at me in confusion. I fixed my features and continued walking, still having a good old chuckle in my head.

There was more singing as the afternoon wore on, much more upbeat songs than I'd heard the dwarrows sing. That Miruvor stuff was gold. Gotta get me some more of that, I thought. It well cured Thorin's grumpiness, even.

We were having a happy time, the company, and night was just starting to fall. I had just started to feel hungry again, when we heard them in the distance. Howling…

Out of the frying pan, and into the fire…

**I know the movie jumps straight into the warg scene after the flight from Goblin-Town, but it never made sense that the day should be so short, or the time in Goblin-Town longer than we saw. So I've added this filler in. Wargs next!**


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

It seemed like my poor body had these persistently elevated levels of adrenaline and cortisol, these days. Too much fight, too much flight, too much stress. I'd probably shaved a good five years off my life. At least I was getting fit.

I also hadn't eaten since the night after leaving Rivendell. And my period was late – get your minds out of the gutter, friends, we've had this discussion. Boys and me, we never really mixed. Seriously, stress-induced secondary amenorrhoea is a thing.

So, here I was: Hungry, fed-up, pre-menstrual, and attempting to outrun a pack of angry wargs carrying a burden of bloodthirsty Gundabad orcs. I say attempting because wargs are bloody quick and they were gaining on us. Never mind that the side of the mountain suddenly _ended_ and there was nowhere to run other than off a cliff like a bunch of well-armed lemmings. I instead stood at the edge of the cliff, staring down into the abyss, horrified.

'Up, into the trees!' Gandalf yelled. Dori helped Ori and I up, and I perched myself on a thick branch about 12 feet in the air, clutching the trunk.

I glanced wildly around for Fili, sighing with relief when I saw him, two trees behind, making room for Bilbo who had gotten out of the way in the nick of time, as the wargs started circling beneath, making great leaps towards us and snapping loudly.

The wargs were obviously cleverer than they looked, because they managed to uproot the rest of the trees, forcing the entire company onto my tree. I heard Fili and Kili land into the thinner branches above me with much yelling and cussing.

I glanced up at the mountain to see the orc pack step into view. They casually strode towards us on their mounts, knowing that they'd well and truly outplayed us judging by the triumphant looks on their revolting faces.

Their leader looked particularly smug. Azog, the pale orc. The defiling _cock-juggling thunder-cunt._ His marred face contorted into a particularly grotesque grin, but at the same time I couldn't help but think that for an orc, he was quite the looker. Haha.

I wonder if female orcs exist?

He snarled in his orc-gibberish at Thorin, who was plastered on a low branch. I had no idea what the orc was saying, but it made both Thorin and Gandalf quite upset. Azog pointed at Thorin with his mace, and the wargs started circling again.

Gandalf and the others on the higher branches somehow managed to light a bunch of pine-cones on fire and throw them at the orc pack, who were of course out of their throw's range.

'What the _hell_ are you doing?' I yelled up at nobody in particular. 'You'll set the tree on fire!'

'Bonnie, catch!' Kili dropped a smouldering pine-cone down to me, like a glowing miniature torpedo. 'Throw them at the wargs!'

'Argh!' The bloody thing was hot, and I juggled it between my hands while balancing precariously on my branch, before pelting it at a light brown warg, setting its coat on fire. It ran away, howling.

'Yes!' I yelled, fists in the air. I was immediately surprised at myself – it was very unlike me to show joy at the suffering of another creature. Middle Earth had changed me, changed my priorities. Now it was my life or theirs. That and the way they had calculatedly forced us onto one tree so we were easier to bring down to earth made me believe that they were sentient creatures who wanted us dead, like their masters. So, really, I didn't feel bad. I certainly didn't feel anything for the goblin I decapitated earlier, either.

The tree started toppling over, groaning, off the cliff, holding on by its roots. I glanced down into the dark void beneath us, heart pounding.

Azog laughed cruelly. Asshat. The orcs waited for the inevitable. The tree slipped down another few feet.

I couldn't see the expression on Thorin's face, but it must've been something to behold. He wrenched himself up, sword and oaken shield (totally didn't know that's where he got his name) at the ready, his wide frame silhouetted by the fire that formed a barrier between the orcs and us. He walked, slowly, deliberately, down the now nearly flat tree trunk, pace quickening as he made a beeline for Azog. Definitely a king.

Well, of course that was going to happen. Azog charged, and the white warg leaped at our dumbass king, easily knocking him to the ground. Dwalin and Balin, Thorin's oldest friends and comrades, yelled out in horror and anger, but since they were hanging on to the tree for dear life, were now useless. A bunch of us looked to Gandalf for help, but his staff was out of service, keeping Ori and Dori from plummeting to their deaths.

So, it was up to us, now. The warg drew Thorin up in its mouth, and we could hear the crunching from up the top of the tree. I got up, standing on the trunk, helping Bilbo up who had the same idea as me. We drew our swords, Bilbo's little one with its bright blue blade, and Ringil, long and thin and glittering like the stars. And together we ran.

We both leapt on the orc that was about to give Thorin the same death as his grandfather, but I was off-centre and rolled off. Bilbo sunk his little sword (oh Mahal, that sounds terrible) into the orc's chest. I watched, both horrified and impressed as sweet little Bilbo stabbed the creature relentlessly and repeatedly.

The dead orc's warg then came for me. I pulled myself up to a kneeling position, and let out a mighty shriek as it lunged for me, swinging Ringil and managing to lacerate its face. I recovered, slicing its throat, and I must've got spinal cord too, because it immediately fell to the ground and lay still.

I crouched at Thorin's side, making sure Orcrist was in his grasp, and starting first aid.

Danger – lots of it, couldn't help that.

Response – fluttering of eyelids to voice only.

Airway – patent, own.

Breathing – yes, chest rising and falling, shallow.

That's as far as I got. Bilbo was standing in front of us both, shielding us from the orc pack that rounded on us. I raised Ringil once more, ready, my thoughts suddenly travelling to Fili, my Fili. I apologised to him in my head, for breaking my promise and putting myself in danger, danger from now I was so certain there was no escape.

I almost fainted with relief as the company, now mostly extricated from the tree, attacked the pack from the side. I was too busy watching the battle and protecting Thorin rather than participating, and didn't notice the giant eagle flying at me until it was a few feet away.

My body tipped backwards involuntarily, and I screamed, which was cut off as the eagle grabbed me with its claw, dropping me onto the back of another eagle. I landed roughly, quickly scrabbling with my hands to get a good grip on the bloody thing.

What other surprise creatures does Middle Earth have? Orcs, wargs, trolls, elves, now giant eagles? At least they appeared to be friendly, saving our bacon from a truly nasty demise. There were a lot of them and they each carried one or two of us, far away from danger and into the night, over breathtaking mountain ranges and waterfalls.

We flew for a long time. It was freezing cold, and I lay as low as I could on my eagle's back, trying to shelter myself from the wind. I faintly heard Fili cry out for Thorin, who was still unconscious and dangling beneath his eagle. Dawn broke over towards the east as the eagle convocation set us down in turns on a great rock that reminded me of Pride Rock, taking off without a backward glance.

_Fine. I wanted to thank you, but fine. _

Gandalf ran to Thorin, kneeling at his side and reviving him with some weird spell. I looked sideways at Bilbo, confused. He woke up, though, and _got up, _seemingly quite unhurt considering he should have had at least ten fractured ribs, a haemothorax and a ruptured spleen. Unbelievable.

He rounded on Bilbo. 'You, what were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed.

'Did I not say that you would be a burden, that you had no place amongst us?'

I bristled. 'Dude, what the fuck?'

Thorin ignored me. 'I have never been so wrong in all my life.' And he wrapped the hobbit up in a great hug. The company cheered.

'Oh my god, I'm going to cry!' I said, throat lumpy and eyes stinging.

He released Bilbo, and walked over to me, smiling at me for the first time ever, indulgently even. He threw his arms around me, too, whispering 'thankyou, my lady Bonnie. I am sorry that I doubted you, too.'

I wrapped my arms around his waist, grinning stupidly into his armour. Hooray!

'Is that what I think it is?' Bilbo asked, pointing off to the east.

I held Fili's hand as we both saw it for the first time. Erebor…


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

The company's vigour was noticeably renewed with the appearance of the Lonely Mountain in our eyesight, notwithstanding its distance away. I sat and thought to myself that the first thing I planned on inventing in Middle Earth was the internal combustion engine. Bollocks to walking everywhere for the rest of my life.

The eagles _did _return, bless them, and with them they brought dry wood and a whole bunch of dead animals, which I wrinkled my nose at, but the dwarrows almost went into raptures over it. Dead rabbits, some kind of fowl that I hadn't seen before, and a sheep were piled up in the centre of the eyrie, ready for skinning and butchering.

Bilbo and I sat back and tried not to look while all the skinning and cutting went on. Ick. It was a bit too much for us gentle folk who were used to meat coming from a butcher or wrapped up in plastic.

It was all very manly, this lighting of fires and skinning of animals. I watched Fili as he laughed with his brother, simultaneously wiping one of his bloodied knives on his tunic. The only thing that popped into my brain at that point was 'slimy, yet satisfying'.

Oh my god, Bonnie. Gross. Stop it.

I looked away and exhaled, trying to calm the octopus.

_Hakuna matata. Hakuna matata. Hakuna matata…_

It was actually pleasant, sitting there with the early morning sun on my face, the sound of laughter amongst my companions, the smell of roasting food, and the feeling of _safety._ So bloody good. I sighed, still watching Fili, who looked just as happy and relaxed as I felt. He broke away from the group and walked towards me, hands full of food.

I smiled at him, eyebrows slightly raised, when he walked over to me and sat down, offering me a portion of roast lamb and rabbit.

'Aw, thankyou.' I said, taking it from him, fingers brushing his.

He lingered for a moment, looking down at our hands.

Jesus. Braids, and beard, and _Fili…._

I blinked, withdrawing my hands and taking an enormous bite of lamb.

'I didn't think princes knew how to cook.' I said happily, mouth full.

'Well, we wouldn't subject our rare and precious women-folk to lowly tasks like cooking, would we?' He teased.

I giggled. 'That's good, 'cos I'm rubbish at it. I could ruin boiled eggs.'

He smiled and turned his head toward the company. We sat in silence and ate together. Considering how little I'd had to eat this last few days, this was heaven. For some reason, it brought back memories of a time when I worked ward cover for the entire weekend, and lived off vending machine food for a solid 48 hours. Mahal, that upset my poor guts.

Fili said suddenly, 'I know Uncle would probably not like me to say this, but he has some wounds that need tending. Will you see to them?'

I looked over at Thorin. He sat, reclined with his legs out and appearing fairly comfortable, but he did look fairly cut up after last night. Even though he had eaten an epic humble pie earlier, and had apologised to me, I still harboured a great feeling of annoyance and disbelief towards him. He had put himself, and therefore the company, in a dire situation last night by trying to take on Azog and his pack single-handedly. I was still, to put it mildly, mighty pissed off by it.

'Yes, of course I will.' I said to Fili.

He got up, kneeling in front of me. 'Thankyou.' He said, and leaned over, kissing me on the cheek and placing a hand on my thigh, squeezing gently.

I must've turned purple at that point, my face was on fire, so it probably was purple, and my heart pounded. He got up, and I glanced around furtively. No-one seemed to have noticed. I took a few deep breaths, and got up myself, dragging my bag over to Thorin.

'I'm going to clean your wounds, Thorin.' I informed him.

'No. I have no need.' He said, but his tone was kind.

I squared my shoulders and gathered all the assertiveness I could muster. 'You _do_ have a need. Your wounds were inflicted by orcs and wargs. They'll get infected if they're not cleaned, and then you'll be useless. So, you sit there and don't move.'

He looked surprised, but didn't say any more. I set to work, crushing up herbs in water and making a salve. I worked quickly, and was a bit rougher with him than I normally would have been, because I was still annoyed.

He noticed. 'Why don't you speak what's on your mind, Bonnie.'

Word vomit. I didn't even pause before letting fly. 'You are an unbelievable dumbass, Thorin Oakenshield. What in the actual hell did you possibly think you would achieve by going after Azog and his pack by yourself?'

The entire camp went dead silent. Thorin gaped at me.

I looked sideways, hyperaware of every pair of eyes on us, but continued. 'I know what he did to Thrain, and yeah, that sucked in the worst possible way. But this quest…you are the life and soul of this quest, and it almost ended last night because of your choice. You let your feelings get in the way of the job. You nearly freaking died. _We _almost freaking died. It's sheer dumb bloody luck that we're even alive…'

I faltered then, looking down, and tying off a bandage on his arm. 'Oh my god, I'll just…shut up now. Sorry.'

He took a deep breath, and I shrunk back, waiting for whatever thunderous reaction he had planned.

'You are right, lady Bonnie. It was not something I planned to do. I wasn't a leader last night.'

I looked at him, eyes wide. A long, long moment passed.

'However, I'm not used to being yelled at. Don't do it again.' He said, voice harsh and dangerous, and it was so harsh and dangerous that I nodded quickly, bending my head and shyly finishing my task.

There was some nervous laughter amongst the company, who begin packing up, ready to continue the journey. I washed my hands from my water bottle and packed my bag, and was soon joined by Fili and Kili.

'Mahal, Bonnie. That was brave.' Fili said.

Kili laughed, and added, 'yeah, the only reason you're alive now is because you saved his life last night.'

I shook my head. 'I don't know what came over me. This place is messing with my head.'

'It's the fog,' Kili added unhelpfully. I didn't say to him that I meant Middle Earth itself. 'It makes the ladies hysterical.'

I snorted.

A quick puff of Old Toby and my nerves were in check. We followed Gandalf down the steep slopes of the eyrie, and into the forest. It was late morning by then, and the weather was cool, but pleasant. By mid afternoon the exhaustion from not sleeping the past two nights was well and truly catching up with me.

Bilbo's eyes were hanging out of his head, and the company seemed to be almost reluctantly trudging onward. We came across a clearing with a neat little cave at the far end, and over a small hill lay a creek with flat, grey stones lining the banks, and a wide clear pool that looked a couple of feet deep.

I sighed with relief. What a nice place to camp for the night.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Fili and Kili disappeared into the woods for a good long while. I sat in the mouth of the cave, worrying for them. I knew they were clever and capable, but still, I also knew that somewhere out there was an angry pack of orcs and wargs that were probably still after us.

Thorin obviously disagreed, or he wouldn't have let them go. Where did they even go, anyway?

And so I sat, waiting. A few of the others made a campfire while it was still light, and the rest of them bar Gandalf went to the creek to bathe. I could hear the laughter from where I sat. Happy, carefree laughter.

I couldn't relax, not until Fili came back unscathed. I had my third last cone, and felt a little better. The clearing was calm and quiet save for the chattering of the dwarrows who had returned from the creek. I looked at the different trees, noticing one with dull red berries and idly wondering if they were either poisonous or hallucinogenic.

The Durin brothers barged out of the forest, the younger one with a dead deer slung over his shoulder, looking proud as punch, and the other with one of his swords in hand, god knows why, but looking all hot and manly as he strode towards the camp. Excellent, I thought. Fili is here and I get dinner tonight, too!

'Well done, Kili!' The motherly Dori shouted, clapping his hands.

'Head shot at fifty feet.' Fili said, to a general murmur of appreciation. He was obviously proud. It was brotherly and fatherly at the same time, and it made my belly squirm.

I stood up. 'I'm going for a bath at the creek.' I announced to Fili as I walked past.

He nodded and said nothing, but I noticed that his eyes followed me as I walked away from the company and over the hill toward the creek. I know I shouldn't have gone off alone, but the alternative was having one of them _watch_ me bathe. No thanks. Well, except maybe one… Snort.

There was still a bit of warmth from the day lingering in the air, and I stripped off and waded in. Schme, it was bloody _cold. _I let out a quiet gasp as I sat my body down.

The dirt on me had obscured a whole medley of bruises. They dotted my arms and legs, some of them still smarting as I rubbed the muck off. My head and nose were still tender to touch as I scraped the dried blood off with my fingernails. Yes, it was bloody cold, but my god was it good to feel clean.

Glancing up at the bank to make sure no-one was there, I ran out of the water and practically dove into my clothes, trying to warm up as quickly as possible. I was just in my underwear, bra and singlet, when Fili stepped over the bank.

I froze. _Oh buggery bollocks. _

He walked up to me, totally unperturbed by my half-nudity. He stood, eyes on my body and a small shit-eating smile on his face, as I frantically yanked my trousers on and fastened the top button.

My heart was thrashing.

The self-consciousness that had plagued me since childhood was so much worse when he _looked_ at me like that. I felt that he looked as if through my eyes, seeing me how I saw myself, faults and imperfections highlighted and dwelt-upon. And I couldn't even bring myself to think that those feelings were well bordering on the ridiculous. They were entrenched, a self-perpetuating and damaging circle.

Because, deep down, I thought that Fili, quiet, brave, thoughtful, strong, gorgeous Fili, was way too good for me.

His spoken words broke through my moment of self-loathing. 'I didn't mean to disturb you, I just wanted to make sure you were safe.'

'No, I-I mean…yes, thankyou. I'm fine. Just…had a bath and now, you know, getting dressed.'

Mahal, Bonnie. Could you be any more of a twit?

'You look a lot better, now that you're not covered in dirt and blood.' He said.

I raised my eyebrows. He immediately started back-tracking, 'n-not that you're any less beautiful when you're covered in dirt and blood, but it is wrong somehow, for a lady to be dirty, and hurt.'

His gaze roamed over my face, neck and arms, where the sprinkling of bruises was the most evident.

'I'm sorry I wasn't able to prevent it.' He finished.

It took a long moment before I had the wherewithal to answer. My limbs felt like jelly. 'It's ok, it's not really your responsibility.'

He looked shocked. 'It is, though. Do you not understand?'

I dared not believe it was what _I hoped_ he meant, so I simply said, 'no, not really.'

He gave a small sigh, chin down but still looking at me. 'Well, in any case, it's probably not a conversation we should have here. Will you keep watch, while I bathe?'

He didn't even wait for my answer. First off came his belt, his bracers, then the fur-lined, brown leather coat. Too many swords, daggers and a tomahawk landed with a clang on top of the coat, now discarded on the ground. Leather vest….

I'm sure my eyes were like dinner plates.

Brown tunic, off. Fili was shirtless. _Fili. Was. Shirtless._ Shirtless Fili…

I tried to keep my eyes on his face. I really tried. He smirked as I stared, balling his tunic up and tossing it on the pile. His dirty blonde hair draped over his muscles, and they flexed as he began undoing his trousers. He had a hairy chest, of course, it would have been odd if he didn't, with the colour skin that looked like it hadn't seen the sun all winter, and the smallest of bellies that you'd expect to find on a member of the royal family who was reasonably well-fed compared to the plebs.

I wanted that chest, and that man, wrapped around me. Badly.

He kicked his boots off, and as the final button of his trousers came undone and he started to lower them, I gasped and turned around just in time. I was _not_ ready for that yet. I could barely breathe as it was.

He let out a soft chuckle from behind me, and took off into the water.

It was dark by the time he finished. I waited patiently, again looking the other way, while he dressed himself again and we wandered back together. None of the company seemed to care that we'd both been gone for ages, and returned together. Bombur was roasting the deer on a spit, Bofur was singing, and Bifur was signing his Iglishmek interpretation of the song. I smiled hugely at it all.

Fili and I huddled together for warmth as the fire died down, after dinner. He leaned back on his hands, one hand snaking itself round me but resting gently on the ground near my hip. We had lost a great deal of our supplies, including bedrolls and blankets, in Goblin Town. I still had my bedroll, and I gave my elvish blanket to Bilbo, who took it with a grateful thankyou.

It was like something out of a dream. I spread my blanket over Fili and I later, when just the embers of the fire remained, and he turned onto his side, pulling me close to him like that evening after Rivendell. I impatiently pulled his leg in between mine, stomach octopus wriggling away with every small movement his body made. His bicep made a pretty comfortable pillow, and he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead until I had calmed my body down enough to fall asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

I woke with a start. It was still dark, with the first light of day erupting in the eastern sky. I thought for a second that I'd imagined the noise, but no, others in the company had awoken, too. Fili was quiet, hand pulled tightly into the small of my back, but I could tell he was awake by the sound of his breathing. Quick, quiet, rather than the long, leisurely breaths of deep slumber.

The noise rang out again, still a fair way away, but unmistakeable.

Howling.

How? We flew _so far._ How on earth could they have possibly caught up with us? Or even knew which direction we went?

No time to think about that. Gandalf and Thorin both shouted for us to all gather what we had and skedaddle. In no more than one minute I had my bedroll and bag packed up, the last of the embers in the fireplace were out, and we took off running towards the east.

Well, this journey had well and truly cured me of my caffeine addiction.

The howling was getting nearer. The company stopped in an area sheltered by a tall rock face. No-one spoke. We just listened. Listened for our pursuers...nothing.

'Bilbo,' Gandalf said. 'There's a path,' he pointed with his staff to a gap in the rock.

'Go and see if…' He didn't finish the sentence. Little Bilbo started up the path.

'Don't let them see you!' Gandalf called to Bilbo's retreating back.

I leaned against the rock, letting out a quiet sigh and not quite yet over my rude introduction to the day. Even more obnoxious than my bloody alarm clock, I grumbled to myself.

Why was I even worrying about _that?_ Surely I should've been worrying about the wargs, and the orcs, and the ongoing possibility of a violent and messy death. I was getting hardened to the hardships of Middle Earth. Gaining more mental resilience than a career in medicine ever gave me.

Bilbo was back in two minutes. He said the pack was a 'couple of leagues' away. I had no idea how far a league was, not even the conversion to metric, so I just stayed silent, stomach sinking when every other member of the company looked very uneasy at the proximity of our enemies.

When will this end, again? I wanted my happy ending _now_, preferably involving Fili and I in a nice, comfy bed together, _alone._ Ooooh, yes.

Shut up, Bonnie.

Bilbo, who was clearly getting frustrated with everybody, interrupted my thoughts. '…I am trying to tell you there is something else out there.'

'What form did it take? Like a bear?' Gandalf asked, too knowingly.

Oh, for fuck's sake, what now?

We heard the enormous, angry roar, and once Gandalf had said we had no choice but to make for a house, with a host that was neither friend nor foe, off we ran again.

Bears, I thought. The angry things from Canada that like to eat hikers…

Across fields, ringed with forest and tall, snow-capped mountains, through little rivers with flat grey stones on the banks. We ran for miles. The scenery would have probably been pretty if I wasn't heaving for breath and hating life.

Through a forest, we ran downhill, which made a nice change. The company ground to a halt then, all madly trying to catch our breath. The guttural roar of the bear was now deafening, echoing around us. Gandalf yelled at us, his voice urgent, imploring us to keep moving. That old man was fit as. I don't even know how that happens. He hadn't even broken a sweat. Fili pulled me back into a run.

We broke through the trees, making for the house, looking homely but lonely in the middle of a field. Bombur, of all people, overtook all of us, belly bouncing madly. I let out a laugh before discovering that I couldn't run and laugh at the same time, lifting my head into the air immediately afterwards to suck lungfuls of air in to feed my burning muscles.

The company ran through the gate, and I noticed immediately the long stalks of a most precious plant, growing in a haphazard fashion in our host's garden. Poppies.

Fuck. Yes.

I couldn't dwell on that happy fact; the bear had cleared the forest and was now thundering full pelt towards us. It was even bigger than those gross Ettenmoor trolls, with a head the size of Thorin. Speaking of Thorin, he had to force his way through the company to open the door, because the rest of them, Fili included, were apparently too daft to figure out how to lift the latch. I shook my head.

Clearly I wasn't getting inside quick enough. As I looked behind me, watching the bear, fur as black as night, I felt a swift grab on the front of my clothes. Fili yanked me inside with great force and flung me behind him, simultaneously drawing his sword as they forced the door shut against the bear's head. He'd let me go, though, and I lost my balance, falling on my ass with a thump.

Ow, my ass-bone. That bloody hurt.

Ori looked horrified. At least he was as sweaty as I was; it made me feel a lot better. 'What is that?' He asked Gandalf.

'That is our host.'

We all stared.

'His name is Beorn, and he's a skin changer.'

That explains so much.

The house was huge, shared with cows and goats, of all things, that didn't seem to care about us being there. And dogs, dogs that occasionally walked on their hind legs and used their front paws just like we'd use our hands. Queer lodgings indeed. I wandered with Fili and Kili up the steps to the enormous kitchen table, scattered with homemade wares and food.

'Get some sleep, all of you. You'll be safe here, tonight.' Gandalf tried to make it sound reassuring but it didn't really work. Meh, if we get ambushed by the orcs then there's really bugger all we could do about it, so there was no point worrying.

Later in the afternoon I watched bemusedly as Fili fussed around and made a nest out of straw in the corner of Beorn's house, padding it out nicely and setting up my blanket and bedroll in it. He grinned at me when he was done, bits of straw stuck to his clothes and looking pleased with himself. I wanted so badly just to jump on him and wrap my legs around him and never let go.

In the kitchen, Bombur and Nori discovered a small larder stacked with vegetables, and other things like grain and bread and honey. They looked at each other, shrugged, and looked to Thorin and Gandalf. Gandalf muttered something about Beorn not minding, so the two dwarrows busied themselves with cooking a large pot of vegetable soup. It filled the house with warmth and a nice smell.

No-one told me that I wasn't allowed to go outside, so I snuck off, lifting the latch and opening the door just wide enough to squeeze my body out. Beorn the bear had long since departed back to the woods, so I wandered around his garden, avoiding the slow-moving bees that were the size of my hand.

The poppy plants were just right, the seed pods standing large and green on their thick stems. I took my Fili dagger and carefully cut long, vertical lines in the pods, watching as the liquid inside started oozing out. I had no idea if I was doing it right, but I'd watched an opium-farming-in-Afghanistan youtube video once. Couldn't be that difficult.

I left it at that. I hoped I would have a chance to collect the resin the following morning. Oh Mahal, I couldn't wait to try it.

Fili glared a little when I quietly re-entered the house. I smiled as angelically as possible in return. Kili looked from his brother to me, and back again, clearly missing something. I chuckled, and went to collect a large bowl of soup and a couple of chunks of bread from the kitchen.

I lay in the little nest with Fili later, looking at one another in the semi-darkness. I wished for privacy, for a quiet moment, just him and me, to do with him what I yearned to do. I hoped he felt the same. My heart hammered as his hands skated over my hips and curled around my back. _Surely he felt the same…_ Surely…


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Well, while _my_ guts were on fire, Fili's didn't appear to be. I was barely able to lie still, and his body was completely motionless. We were semi-concealed in the almost-darkness, so I thought now was as good a time as any to try something…

He looked tired though.

I was right. His eyes closed and his mouth went slack. _Oh, that moustache. _How can it look so pretty and so manly all at once?

I quickly scanned the room as best I could, noting silence apart from a few snores (honestly, after hearing them like a bloody chorus every bloody night, eventually you just tune out), and seeing the tip of Gandalf's head, facing away from us shrouded in pipe-smoke. I lay my head back down.

'Fili?' I whispered, daring to stroke the mo. 'You awake?'

He didn't open his eyes, but whispered back, 'yes.'

I couldn't think of what to say next. Still his eyes remained closed. I should just let him sleep, I thought. I can't freaking do this!

'Fili?'

He opened one eye, looked at me for a second, and closed it again. 'Yes, Bonnie?'

'I…need to ask you something.'

He said nothing in reply, but nodded briefly, lifting his hand from my back and lightly curling it around my forearm, stroking my wrist while I ran my fingers through his beard.

Come on, Bonnie. No guts, no glory.

'I was erm, wondering, how you feel?' I stammered.

I could see his little half-grin, a few inches from my face. 'Tired,' he answered, and fell silent again.

Totally not what I meant, but ok, I could've worded that better.

'Fili? What will happen, once all this is over, with _us_?' I emphasised the last word, clenching every skeletal muscle I could possibly clench, not at all certain that I wanted to hear the answer.

I could barely breathe. _Omfg, say something,_ I thought desperately.

He took a deep breath. 'I don't know, Bonnie. I hope we live to find out.'

It wasn't a rejection, not by a long shot, but I was abruptly mortified for some weird reason. Twisting out of his grip, I rolled over onto my other side, now facing away from him, silently thinking the words '_oh fuck'_.

As usual, my timing was appalling. Not as bad as Kili's, though, I thought darkly.

Fili didn't seem to notice that anything was amiss, putting his hand back around me, on my lower abdomen, and dragging me back flush against him. He wriggled around briefly, getting comfortable, running his hand up my belly. Even though I had a few layers on, my skin underneath his hand burned and my breath caught in my throat.

We. were. spooning.

Oh, I had waited for this day. I lay there for a moment, grinning stupidly to myself and savouring this moment. Even though I'd verbally chickened out, I so badly wanted to know, that he was affected by me as much as I was affected by him. I wiggled my ass around against his crotch, under the guise of getting _myself _more comfortable.

It worked like a charm. His breathing became shallow, and fast. It was hot on the back of my neck. The muscles in his arm that lay on my belly flexed, and he held me tightly, preventing me from moving.

He lifted his head, pushing the hair off the nape of my neck with his free hand, kissing the soft skin near my ear, mouth open and breathing rather raggedly. It wasn't just the skin he touched that was warm, now. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

He then made to pull me onto my back, swinging his top leg over me, but was interrupted by the door, the latch lifting upwards, and the hinges creaking dully as the door opened. We both froze. Fili craned his neck around, now alert, but lay back down almost immediately.

'Beorn,' he whispered in my ear.

'The bear?' I asked, wary.

'No, the man.'

I honestly couldn't catch a break. Not that anything could have possibly happened – we certainly weren't going to have sex right there and then, in a very quiet place with the rest of the company only a few feet away, Jesus.

And I couldn't fault Beorn for turning up just when things were getting interesting. He did save our sorry skins today, by putting us up and watching over us while we slept. The fact that he was a _reluctant_ saviour didn't really matter. Not only were we alive and safe, we were warm and comfortable with full bellies. We'd won the lottery tonight.

Once Fili was well and truly asleep, I lay awake, pondering something he'd said earlier. He said he didn't know what would happen after the quest was over, but that he hoped to live to discover what the future held for us all. I'd never really paused to consider that some of us might not make it through this. I'd also never contemplated that we might fail entirely, victims to a too-ambitious task, deemed insurmountable by greater people.

I'd made it through so far by accident. So had the others. I tried not to be the distraction that Fili didn't want or need, but I had a feeling that whatever happened between us was now well and truly out of mine, and his, control. Gandalf had also said, when we first met in Bag End, that I was here in Middle Earth for some thus far unclear purpose, a purpose that may or may not become apparent as my journey unfolded.

I hated surprises.

I wrinkled my forehead and sniffed with frustration. Whatever the purpose, I had very little patience for it and wanted to know _now, _rather than have some strange epiphany or something, later. I'm a woman, for Mahal's sakes, I need to be able to plan!

Sleep overtook my cogitating, eventually. When I awoke the following morning, the first sun was just starting to enter the room. Beorn was again nowhere to be seen.

I sneaked outside once more, taking with me my now empty stash tin. I looked at it sadly, but cheered up considerably when I noticed the dried lumps of resin still attached to the poppy seed pods, swaying gently in the morning breeze.

I almost wanted to sing as I worked, scraping the stuff into the tin and packing it down as well as I could. It took me only a few minutes, and I managed to get back inside without anyone, not even Gandalf, waking to notice and give me a telling off.

Who was the burglar again? Ha!

Fili stirred just as I packed the tin into my bag.

'Good morning.' He said, voice all thick with sleep. He stretched, face going all red with the effort. So damn cute.

'Morning.' I said. 'Good night's sleep?' I grinned at him, and he grinned back, an unspoken acknowledgement of what happened last night.

'Yes, very good.' He said, and got up, dressing himself. We wandered together, over towards the kitchen. My stomach growled.

The door opened and our host entered once more. Fili and I whipped around, and I was stunned into silence as Beorn advanced.

The bastard was nearly ten feet tall…

**Here we go. Fluff! I love fluff. Hope you all like :)**


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Beorn towered over us. He looked at use inquisitively and disdainfully, both at once, oddly. His gaze focused on me, and I automatically stepped backwards, holding onto Fili's arm, not altogether comfortable. There was something about the skin-changer that made me very wary indeed, like the feeling you get from a large, barking dog when its owner tells you it's harmless.

'Do not be afraid, my lady dwarf. You are safe here. Please, take a seat at the table. Eat.' He said. The tone was flat, but I suppose welcoming enough. He probably didn't talk to other people much…

I couldn't for the life of me stop staring at his eyebrows.

Fili took my arm off his and placed his hand around my waist, nodding in thanks to Beorn and leading me up the steps to the table. I sat, feeling small like a child, while Beorn approached Gandalf and Thorin a few metres away. I kept my eyes front and centre, but listened to the conversation.

'A bold move, Gandalf the Grey, to travel such a perilous route with a lady in your company.'

'What of it?' Thorin cut in, voice almost a snarl.

I glanced over quickly. Beorn's head whipped towards Thorin, but said nothing.

'Ah, yes,' Gandalf's reply was quiet, but forthright, 'Lady Bonnie is not of his realm, but she is precious to this world beyond measure. Her knowledge rivals that of even the Lord of Rivendell. She is a fine healer and wields the great blade Ringil.'

Fili was sat just across from me, and he listened too, eyes wide and fixed on me.

'It was a choice between leaving her behind in the Shire, unprotected, or keeping her close to myself and others who would die to defend her. Therefore, naturally, she became the fifteenth member of the company. And a superb addition she has been, too.' Gandalf finished.

Well, that was a rave review. My cheeks felt all pink and I got a warm, gooey feeling in my belly. Fili had the strangest look on his face now, like he'd noticed something that was different.

'The young dwarf with her, he is a good protector?' Beorn asked, looking now to Thorin.

'He is Fili, my sister-son.' Thorin said, obviously thinking that was explanation enough.

Beorn nodded. 'Aye. They will make fine dwarflings indeed.'

I promptly inhaled half my milk….

Dori, who was sitting next to me, gave me a great whack on the back while I spluttered away, face now beet-coloured, eyes streaming. The whole table thundered with laughter.

I managed to stop coughing, looking at Fili, who had a pink face from laughing so hard.

_He certainly won't want to make fine dwarflings with me after that._

Bloody hell….

We all sat around the table, talking and relishing the food. I must've eaten a good half a loaf, slathered with honey, and drunk a pint of milk as well. I couldn't believe how creamy it tasted. It was absolutely nothing like I'd ever had back at home.

The mood turned rather sombre when Beorn told us the tragic tale of his family, a few of the countless victims of the one I like to call cock-juggling thunder-cunt.

That defiler had one hell of an antisocial personality disorder. He needed to die. He needed to die yesterday.

Across from me, Fili took a swig of milk, ending up with a milk moustache. _So damn cute_. I snorted lightly, earning a reproachful look from Thorin.

I'd missed part of the conversation. Beorn was now saying we'd be lucky to make it to the forest of Mirkwood if we were to journey on foot.

Thorin looked quite alarmed.

'I will give you what you need to reach Mirkwood. Food, water-skins, rope, blankets, and ponies. Although, you must set the ponies free at the forest gate so that they may return home. Just as Lady Bonnie is precious to you, my ponies are precious to me.' Beorn said, looking at me with a gentle expression.

'You will not need to carry water until you reach Mirkwood,' he continued. 'The water there has grown dark and toxic. A sickness lies upon the forest, now, that is surely the work of evil. And the wood-elves are less wise and more dangerous than their kin. I would be careful not to approach them.'

More elves, I thought. Cool. I couldn't possibly think of them being unwise and dangerous, not after the fabulous hospitality shown to us at Rivendell.

Within the hour we were packed, ponies laden with supplies. I ensured my bag was safely stowed in one of the saddle-bags. We stood together in Beorn's garden. The day was cool, but sunny. So far so good.

'Farewell, little rabbit.' Beorn said to Bilbo, who appeared mildly offended, but shook the great man's hand regardless.

Little _what_?

'I am always pleased to receive friends in my home. You may return here, as is your wish,' Beorn said. It all sounded rather formal.

He picked me up under the arms like a small child, and placed me gently on the pony, in front of Fili. I was smug. A whole day, riding with Fili!

'Great place you've got here, Beorn. Thanks for having us.' I said happily.

Well, that was more Earth than Middle Earth, but whatevs…

He took my hand, and having to bend considerably even though I was mounted on a pony, kissed it gently. Good old Beorn, bark worse than his bite.

Fili's hand snuck around my middle protectively. Oh, Fili…Bless his cotton socks.

'Go now, while you have the light. Your hunters are not far behind.' The great skin-changer said in farewell. _That_ sounded rather ominous. Fili took the reins in one hand, tightened his grip on me and nudged the pony into a trot, following Gandalf on his high horse. Ha.

So, here we were again. On the run from the orcs. Once we were out of the borders of Beorn's land (I could tell by the fly-blown orc head nailed to a post that we passed a couple of miles out), the company sped up to a slow gallop. I took a few moments to look around and savour the countryside, with the wide mountain ranges on either side of the vast green expanses of gently undulating grass and bush that we traversed.

We didn't stop for lunch. I didn't really mind – in between Fili's hand around my waist, the constant movement of our bodies together on the pony, and his chin resting on the back of my head, I'd quite lost my appetite. Instead I asked Fili many questions about his other home in the Blue Mountains, and what I could expect when we got to Erebor.

To be honest, I could have probably done just fine with staying in the Blue Mountains. Ered Luin sounded like a peaceful and prosperous place despite its relative youth as a location. Gandalf had told me quietly later on in the journey that reclaiming Erebor was as much a strategic mission as it was emotional, that the defences in the West needed to be strengthened.

I'd nodded seriously, not really understanding just how important it was, at that point.

It was late afternoon by the time we reached the forest edge. Gandalf dismounted before any of us, and walked up to the gate.

It looked like a horrifying place to have to travel through. I didn't like it one bit.

Why, Mahal, why?

**Thanks for the follows and favourites, I am tickled! Please review, I love feedback. **


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Oh Mahal, spare me from this accursed shithole…

I stepped up to the forest edge, sticking my head forward and taking a big sniff. It smelled like dead animal and other general decay. You can tell from a patient's bedside whether they're really sick, like _really sick_ - not from their pain score, not from the beeping monitors, not from their test results – but by how they look and how they smell.

If this forest was a person, and I was standing at the foot of their bed, I'd be really freaking worried.

'Is there no way around?' Bilbo asked, clearly as horrified at the prospect as I was.

I knew what Gandalf would say before he even said it. If we wanted to make it to the mountain before Durin's Day, this was our road.

I said goodbye to our pony with a heavy heart, feeling a lot less safe now that the last connection to our friend and rescuer Beorn trotted merrily away with its companions. There were an awful lot of supplies that needed to be divided up amongst the company, now that we were continue on foot. I swung a very rudimentary-looking backpack containing food up onto my back. My own bag also remained slung from my back, sitting lower than the food bag. I nearly toppled over backwards from the combined weight, so the company decided that was all I should carry. Weak.

Gandalf reappeared from the forest. 'Don't set my horse loose, I need it!'

Oh no….

You know, I knew he'd do this, too, at some stage. In the grand scheme of things, the journey of 14 dwarrows and a hobbit couldn't be that high up on the priority list of one of the guardians of Middle Earth. That didn't stop me from feeling a little abandoned, though.

Bilbo and Gandalf had a brief conversation out of earshot of the rest of us. The collective mood within the company was rather sullen. Gandalf was the rock, the natural leader, the centrepiece, and the person who always knew what to do when the shit hit the fan. And now we were headed to a place where even Beorn wouldn't dare to go, and he was leaving us.

God hates me. Mahal hates me, even.

Gandalf approached and knelt in front of me, taking one of my hands in his. 'If I knew that I could keep you safe where I was going, I would take you with me, Bonnie Dunlap.'

I stared, eyes welling up.

'Oh now, there there, I am sure we will meet again. We have a lot to talk about, after all.' He said gruffly, winking. I nodded glumly.

'Keep your secrets safe, and your company will keep _you_ safe. Farewell.'

He kissed my hand briefly, before turning to Thorin and warning him not to enter Erebor without him. I knew deep down that he wouldn't be able to keep his word. We all stared as he mounted the horse, warning us to stay on the path lest we lose it forever, and took off, heading north just as the rain started.

I looked to the forest, and, unable to shake that horribly ominous, foreboding feeling, fell into step behind Kili as we entered Mirkwood. I let out a shuddering sigh as the canopies of the gnarled and twisted trees shut out the last of the bright daylight.

There was no singing, and not much conversation, either. The air was heavy and stale, and I felt like my body carried the weight of an elephant. I trudged on, one foot in front of the other, chanting 'stay on the path, stay on the path' inside my head, the only thing I could focus on.

I barely even registered stopping for the day, but my mental state improved dramatically once a fire was lit and I had some food in my belly. Unfortunately, the fire attracted every single insect within a ten-mile radius, and we could barely breathe or talk from having to swat giant moths and other unidentifiable flying creatures away from our mouths. Bofur was instructed to put the fire out, which he did with a scowl on his face.

In the pitch dark, I rolled out my bedroll. 'Fili?' I whispered, and I flinched slightly as I felt his hand on my upper arm. Feeling bold, I took his hand and gently pulled him down to my bedroll, where we settled for the evening. I felt very safe, enveloped in his arms, moustache braids resting gently on my forehead.

We didn't speak. We just slept, huddled with the other dwarrows for warmth and safety.

Fili sleeps like a log. He doesn't squirm or make noises in his sleep like I do. I'm a sleep-talker, and an occasional snorer. It's super attractive. Although, each day on this quest I've been so bloody tired that I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about my unladylike nocturnal behaviours. Fili hadn't mentioned anything, either. Perhaps I was cured…

The next day wasn't much brighter than the night, especially now that we were deep within the forest. We ate bread and honey for breakfast, and continued walking, the path growing narrower and narrower. I couldn't find anything beautiful about this place. I had no idea how elves, of all creatures, could find beauty here, in a place so neglected and sick.

Days passed, probably. I had no idea. I'd lost track. I was starting to see things, the illusions that Gandalf warned us about. Shapes in the canopy that looked like large land animals, my mother's head planted onto Dori's body, two Filis, two Bilbos. I'd now forgotten about my earlier obsession with the path, and just focused on whichever dwarf was in front of me, determined to keep going and trying not to feel too creeped out.

I have no idea what time of day it was, but we came to a riverbank. It wasn't very wide, but the water was black and deep, running to our right slowly. I made to walk down to the waters edge, thinking a good rinse of my face and mouth might help, but was stopped by Thorin.

'Do not go near it, Bonnie. The water is cursed.'

_Cursed? _The word sounded so odd in that context, but I reminded myself that we were in a land of wizards and elves, so cursed wasn't really the most odd of terms to describe a river, I guess. Especially in _Mirkwood._

Bilbo approached the edge, peering off to the right, and noticed a small boat resting on the opposite bank, quite camouflaged by the leaf litter. A few throws of a length of rope by Fili, who would have made an excellent cowboy, and we were being ferried across the river, using bits of dead branches as oars. I was second last to go across. Bombur was last, and as he heaved his large form out of the boat, he slipped and toppled backwards into the water.

There was a massive commotion as he surfaced, splashing and yelling madly, and managing to grab a hold of a branch that Bofur held out to him. He didn't look right as he was dragged ashore. His eyes promptly rolled back into his skull and he fell unconscious, slumping onto the ground.

'Bonnie.' Fili said urgently, pulling me into the circle to see to Bombur. He slept with a smile on his face. He was breathing normally, and his heart rate was normal. The only thing was that he wouldn't rouse, not even to pain. I pressed down hard on his nail beds with a rock, trying to elicit a response, any response, fascinated by the GCS of 3 with nothing else apparently wrong with him.

We camped that night a little way away from the riverbed. I cringed at the endless scuttling and clicking noises and the strange lights in the distance that looked like the eyes of some evil predator. Thorin himself took the first watch that night, and I lay in my bedroll with Fili again, happy to be wrapped up in his arms, guarded from the night.

I was laden with even more supplies the following day. Bombur slept on, needing two dwarrows to carry him, so the burdens of those three were shared amongst the remainder of the company. Even though I was dog-tired from a terrible nights sleep, I didn't really mind – the backpack with food in it was considerably lighter than when we set out. That realisation, however, made me worry about our state of affairs even more. How much bloody further? And would we starve to death before ever seeing the sun again?

Nori suddenly stopped. 'The path, it's disappeared.'

Shit, tit, fuck…

**Eek, Mirkwood. Even I was feeling heavy of lid and fuzzy of mind while writing this. Poor Bonnie and Co!**


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

'Find it. Quickly, all of you!' Thorin yelled. I cringed at the desperation in his voice, knowing that this was the worst thing that could have happened to us, the one thing that Gandalf warned us not to do. And now look…

We suck at quests.

The company scattered, each of us searching frantically, not yet willing to believe Gandalf when he said that once we lost the path, that was it. I gave up before the others, feeling that gross, jaded feeling like when you've sat staring at a computer screen in a dim, windowless room all day. I sat near Bilbo, resting my head on my knees. I couldn't even begin to think what being lost would mean for us.

It was very, very disconcerting to see the elders in the group just as scatterbrained as I was. Balin wandered aimlessly, muttering to himself, 'I don't remember any of this. None of it's familiar.'

'I don't even know what day it is.' Dwalin said. He stood atop a ravine, voice soft but still seeming to echo. But it did make me think for a second, _what day was it?_

Monday. Or Tuesday, or Wednesday, no, Saturday.

This must be what delirium feels like. I suddenly had a whole new appreciation for old people with urinary tract infections…

I shook my head and watched Bilbo as he studied a tree trunk covered in vines and thick spider webs. Wordlessly, he took one finger and strummed the web closest to him, and we both watched as the web vibrated violently, carrying the signal away into the distance.

That can't be good. 'Oh no you didn't.' I said to him accusingly.

He ignored me, and did it again. Men…

We were called back together by Thorin, who decided that there was no point trying to find the path any longer. He arbitrarily picked a direction, telling us it was east, and off we walked again, no-one in the company daring to argue. Fili was up ahead with Kili and Thorin, and I hadn't spoken to him for a while. Not that I had anything interesting or meaningful to say at that moment.

The light gradually changed, which must have meant the difference between night and day. Who knew? We were now only allowed brief periods of rest by Thorin, who was starting to get a little frantic and clearly wasn't thinking straight. I sat next to Fili, sipping water and noting that my bottle was nearing empty. Fili didn't say much, he just stared ahead, looking glassy-eyed but determined.

On and on we trudged, I had no idea for how long. Ori found a small, leather tobacco pouch on the ground, which the more addled amongst us thought belonged to another identical bunch of dwarrows who also happened to be wandering through Mirkwood. It didn't even click that we were walking in circles until Bilbo pointed it out.

'…we are lost.' He finished.

'We are not lost, if we keep heading east.' Thorin snapped.

'Which way is east? We've lost the sun!' I don't even know who said that.

The company started arguing amongst themselves, and somehow I got in between Fili and Ori, who apparently had a bone to pick with one another. Fili pushed me out of the way, rather roughly, and I landed on my ass. I was more emotionally hurt than physically, and that was the first (but not the last) time I wanted to punch the little bugger right in the throat.

That was the least of my worries, though. The forest seemed to whisper, sharply, menacingly. It was inside me, inside my head, making my skin crawl. I drew my legs in towards my body and placed my hands over my ears, trying to block out that sound as well as the sound of the company fighting. My hands and feet shook restlessly.

'Quiet! All of you!' Thorin yelled. I spared him a look. Messy hair, decorated with leaves and cobwebs, deranged look on his face like he was high on meth. Our king, ladies and gentlemen. Mahal save us.

'We're being watched.'

I can't believe he was only just now pointing that out. Bilbo was sent up a tree to find the sun. Smartest thing Thorin had done all week.

He was only gone a couple of minutes. The first we heard was the sound of snapping wood combined with the most awful scuttling noise. Fili pulled me to my feet and held me to him. I was still too mad at him to tolerate that, and I wrenched myself out of his grasp and turned around.

I screamed. The thing ran at me, legs clicking madly as it opened it's mouth and lunged for me. I got a glimpse of the half-foot long fangs and the constellation of beady, black eyes, before putting my hands up in front of my face, not even thinking about Ringil dangling from my belt. I felt a stab of pain in my lower belly, and my vision went blurry as I saw the swoosh of hairy, spindly legs flying past me, and then everything went dark.

It was a dead, dreamless sleep, similar to what a general anaesthetic feels like. I had no idea how much time has passed, but I was awoken by my body gently thudding to the ground. Consciousness didn't completely return until the air was on my face again, albeit the stale, smelly air of Mirkwood. Fili leaned over me, pulling sticky threads of spider web off me.

I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to be mad at him. He looked so handsome and…

He interrupted. 'Bonnie?' He asked, uncertainly. He looked worried. I wondered what I must've looked like.

'Bonnie, come on, get up. We need to go.' His voice was quiet but urgent. He pulled me to my feet. My legs felt like jelly and I wobbled, almost falling, but he caught me, holding me by the waist, steadying me.

He pulled Ringil out of the sheath and handed her to me, closing my hand around the grip. 'Hold your sword, hold it. Let's go.'

I wobbled on off after him, feeling weak and nauseated, clearly more affected by the spider's venom than the rest of them. I had no idea where Bilbo was. The sneaky bugger really did have a knack for remaining unseen.

The spiders descended down the tree trunks, snapping and clicking madly, clearly furious at our escape. I couldn't even count them, there was so many: Huge, nasty creatures, almost the size of a pony. I shivered and pressed myself up against a tree, holding Ringil at the ready.

The spiders were no match for us, really. I watched as Fili, with a wild look on his face, let out an almighty yell and cut one in half. Dwalin had one on its back, punching it in the face, and Kili fired arrow after arrow, each one finding its mark.

Dumbass spiders, should've disarmed us before you wrapped us up. Ha!

One of the bastard creatures tried to come for me, but Ringil was long of blade, and I shoved the pointy end into its face. It shrieked and quivered, and eventually just…stopped. I hobbled over to the company, who all huddled together for protection, waiting for the next round.

_Where in the bloody hell was Bilbo?_

The spiders began to descend from above us again, some winding their way down the tree trunks, and some lowering themselves down on a single, thick, thread of web. That's when we first saw them. The elves.

When they run, it's like a dance. They glided effortlessly down from the tree-tops, killing spiders as they went. They were nearly all brown-haired, but a single golden-haired elf stood out as they surrounded us. We stopped dead at the sharp, groaning sound of bows being drawn, arrows pointed directly at our heads. Mahal, they looked pissed off.

The blonde one pointed his at Thorin. 'Do not think I won't kill you, dwarf. It would be my pleasure.'

Holy fucking fuck. I knew that elf. _Legolas._

**Yay, elves! My favourite part. Thankyou for reviewing this new chapter **** Exciting times are ahead.**


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

In the movies, Legolas seemed like a personable chap. That must have been a learned behaviour in the past however many years, because _this _Legolas was like his evil twin. He looked angry, skittish and just a teensy bit feral. He barked out an order to the rest of them, which I presumed meant 'search them' because that's what then started happening.

I stood behind Thorin, watching the rather comical sight of Fili, looking increasingly pissed off with every passing moment, and having his innumerable daggers, tomahawks and swords lifted from his person one by one. Another elf tugged my bag from my shoulders, which wiped the smile off my face immediately.

'Hey, give that back! There's nothing good in there, trust me.' The brown-haired elf didn't even look at me.

_Why do all these bloody elves look exactly the same?_ Snort….

_And where in Durin's name is Bilbo?_

I watched, frowning, as he rummaged through my bag, dumping the contents onto the forest floor. He lifted my stethoscope out and looked at it, clearly confused.

I snorted audibly. Legolas snatched my steth from the other elf and stood in front of me. 'What is this, lady dwarf?'

'The name's Bonnie Dunlap, Legolas of the Woodland Realm.'

Every dwarrow turned to me, looking astonished. Legolas did too. I didn't break eye contact, but stared arrogantly back at him while his brain ticked over, obviously trying to figure out where he might have known me, and why on earth I knew his name. I smirked.

He looked very uncomfortable, but rearranged his features into a glare, before repeating, 'what is this?' He dangled it in front of my face.

'It's a stethoscope. It's for listening.'

'Listening to what? Answer me.'

'Heart sounds, breath sounds, bowel sounds, various other sounds.' I answered in the most patronising tone I could muster. Now I understood why dwarrows and elves didn't see eye to eye. I wasn't a criminal, but here I was being treated like one.

He raised his eyebrows, and was handed more of my possessions, the elvish healing book and the flask of Miruvor. He regarded them for a moment, before handing the flask to another elf again, who opened it and tipped it out.

'Jesus. There's no need for that, ya great knob.' I said angrily.

Collectively, the elves looked aghast. Thorin turned and growled at me in Khuzdul, 'takata'. I had no idea what that word meant in the common tongue (spoiler alert: it means 'be silent'), but I was certainly stunned into silence by the combination of it, and the look on Thorin's face.

Legolas walked forward, roughly undoing my sword belt from around my waist. Anger burned in my chest, but I remained still. He unsheathed it and inspected the blade closely, but I don't think he recognised it as Ringil. I piped up conversationally, 'there's really no point in taking it, you know. I can't even tell the pointy end from the blunt end.'

He glared again. 'Where did you get these items?' He asked, his tone a little softer now. 'From Elrond of Rivendell.' I answered immediately.

He considered my answer, but he looked displeased, like his hand was being forced. 'Very well, you may keep your belongings. You still go to the dungeons.' He informed me.

Fine by me, I thought. At least I'll be with the others. I bent down and quickly packed my bag again, while listening to the conversation between Legolas and Thorin, the former holding the now confiscated Orcrist to the latter's throat and demanding the same answers from him. Thorin was evasive, and I don't think that worked in his favour, because Legolas called him a thief and a liar and kept the sword.

Talk about double standards. _Mirkwood elves are the biggest tossers ever._

Actually, I take that back. Azog the cock-juggling thunder-cunt and Co. are much worse…

We marched through the wood, each of us flanked by two elves to prevent escape (not that we'd bloody want to, where the hell would we go?). Fili was behind me, and he said to me, 'Bonnie? Bonnie, are you all right?'

'I'm not happy with you, Fili. You pushed me over.' I snapped, keeping my eyes forward. The two elves holding me glanced back furtively at Fili as I said this.

He sounded upset, and confused. 'When?'

'When you and Ori were arguing.'

He didn't reply immediately. There was nothing to hear but the sound of crunching leaves and the soft whoosh of the wind high up in the canopy for a good, long moment.

'I'm sorry, Bonnie. I was just trying to get you out of the way. I'm really sorry.'

Wasn't expecting that. Fairly sound apology from a male, I thought. I raised my eyebrows, but said nothing. We crossed a long bridge over a wide, swift river, and were led single-file through the gate into the kingdom. The company and our captors grouped together inside a vast atrium before Legolas shut the door behind him. He walked to the front of the group with the pretty lady elf that rescued Kili from the spiders earlier, and led us on.

I was now first in the group. Fili and Kili were way behind. I gazed around, impressed at the architecture. Wide, structural columns with ornate patterns carved directly into the rock, and smooth wooden foot-bridges leading us further and further in. The air was clean and cool and the sounds of trickling water floated up from beneath us. The elves really know how to do 'pretty'.

We arrived at the dungeons, very pretty dungeons considering. A waterfall roared nearby and the whole place was lit with natural light filtering in from unseen places above. I was shoved bodily into a cell, but the door was left open. I backed myself into the dark corner, hoping that if I remained unseen, perhaps I'd get a cell-mate to help pass the time. I placed my bag on the floor silently.

I could hear Fili just outside, he made a noise of disgust before being shoved into the same cell as me.

Oh my god. No freaking way. _ . . . ._ My guts knotted and twisted, and my heart pounded. My breath caught in my chest.

He didn't even notice that I was there. The cell door slammed shut in his face and he roared with frustration, repeatedly kicking it in a fit of anger, with the deafening and abrasive clang of iron on iron.

I stood and watched him nervously, having never seen him lose control like this before. It was only when he started punching the door that I decided to say something.

'Fili, if you break your hand, the elves win.'

He stopped what he was doing immediately and whipped around, looking breathless and bright-eyed. Mahal, this dwarf, the only dwarf in the world…

He said nothing, crossing the cell in two large steps and grabbing me roughly. My chest was on fire again, feeling a different emotion to anger as I looked into his eyes, which were mad with need. He lifted me easily, wrapping my legs around him…

And he kissed me.

Every nerve in my body felt like it exploded. His body held me against the wall, leaving his hands free to wind themselves into the hair at the back of my head, pulling my head back to meet his. His breath was ragged in my mouth, his tongue hot and wet as it danced with mine, and his lips, soft as they were, searching roughly, and _learning_, about me.

It was the hottest kiss in the history of the world. I held onto him, not seeing, not hearing, muscles quivering, almost on the edge of fainting. I had no idea how much time had passed, but eventually he paused, kissing me once more on the lips, softly and sweetly. He drew back, breathing heavily, and rested his forehead against mine.

My grin was the size of the sun. Jesus H. Christ. _Something. finally. happened. _

**Phew! They were always going to have their first kiss in Mirkwood, I don't know why but it just felt right, being such a highly-charged and emotional time for the company. Thankyou all for sticking with the story this long. Please let me know what you think (but be nice!). **


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

I remained motionless for just a moment, chest heaving and my entire body quivering. The areas on my face where Fili's moustache braids rested just a moment ago still burned, tingly and bereft. He readjusted his grip on me, hands under my bottom, lifting me closer into his embrace.

He kept on arm under me, and the other one wrapped around my back, resting in between my shoulder blades, fingertips pressed firmly into my skin.

I tightened my legs around him and pulled his face back into mine. I'd _waited _for this, for too damn long. And now I had no idea how to stop.

It was long, slow, hot and deep. He let out the tiniest moan, moving the hand beneath me up over my hip and up under my breast, almost deliberately careful to come as close to those sensitive areas as he could without actually touching them, before joining his hands behind me and crushing me in a hug. I sighed, relishing the warmth, relishing _him._

I couldn't even remember why we were on this quest, and I didn't care. He was finally wrapped around me, just like I'd wanted, and for the first time in a long time my mind was deliciously empty and fuzzy.

A long moment later, he pulled back and we grinned ridiculously at each other. I laughed lightly before saying, 'well, that was worth the wait.'

Fili was all dimpled and pink-faced, and I'd never seen him so carefree as in that moment. They were rare moments for him, then and now.

'Yes.' He said simply, before adding, 'the rest of the company will be quite relieved. Kili especially. They've been waiting since Rivendell.'

I stared, puzzled. 'Why Rivendell?' I couldn't remember anything that significant happening between us when we were there.

'Because that's where I braided your hair.' He said. He was clearly a bit confused as to why he had to clarify that.

I continued to stare, eyebrow furrowed, still not comprehending.

He could tell I had no idea what he was talking about. Smiling softly, eyes cast downwards, he said, 'it is our way of asking…asking you to choose me.' He seemed bashful, and his face went pink again.

'Choose you for what?'

'Marriage.'

_Er, what?_

He said the word as though it was completely inconsequential, but nevertheless I recognised that this was him laying his soul completely bare in front of me. It shocked me, even more than it shocked me to hear that it was the lady that chose the man, and not the other way round. I honestly expected the dwarven courting process to be rather misogynistic, just like the dark ages of Earth.

For the first time, I felt insanely grateful that I came to Middle Earth as a dwarf. _Mahal, you're the bomb-diggity._

Fili continued to glance at me nervously, obviously waiting for my reaction.

My brain kept ticking over. I couldn't think of anything to say yet – I was still processing.

He braided my hair as a sign he wanted to marry me. And everyone bloody saw that, and I was completely clueless about what it meant. Oh my god. No wonder the company started being so nice to me after that. Everything was beginning to make sense…

Fili cut off my internal monologue. 'Bonnie?'

He lifted me by the ass-cheeks (oh, my stomach octopus!) and placed me on the ground, finally letting me go. I was a teensy bit relieved at that – Ringil was still fastened to my belt and had started jutting uncomfortably into my ribs, and I didn't really care for _two_ long swords pressed against susceptible places.

_Oh, no, the innuendo. Stop it!_

Poor Fili. I felt bad for keeping him in the lurch for that time. He looked a bit horrified by then. Of course I wanted to marry the little bugger – I'd established that within myself back in Rivendell, too, when I first felt that even if I could go back home, I wouldn't want to.

'Yes, sorry. Fili, I choose you.' I said dramatically, making a sweeping motion like I was bowling and letting out a silly little giggle.

Too much?

He watched, a little bemused but clearly quite happy. He gripped my shoulders and placed his forehead on mine once again. 'Thankyou, ghivashel-uh.'

I'd never heard him speak Khuzdul before. Low, gravelly and _hot._ 'What does that mean?' I asked, quite breathless.

'My treasure of all treasures.'

Wow, um. I blinked a couple of times. _Shake it off, Bonnie, before you faint,_ I told myself.

I took a deep breath, smiled, and he smiled back. 'I'm curious, Fili. What would happen if I didn't want to marry you?'

He shrugged. 'If I can't marry the one I want, I won't marry at all.'

_Jesus H. Christ. _I couldn't help but feel a little indignant at that odd-sounding statement, like a reversal of the emotional blackmail that so many women are subjected to: 'if I can't have you, no-one can'. It seemed rather backward, on some level.

'Um, right-o.' I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He smiled, and changed the subject. 'Your braids are a mess. Shall I redo them?'

We settled on the ground of our cell, me with my back to him sitting between his legs, resting my forearms and hands on his thighs. He had removed his armour and his big leather coat, since it was fairly warm in the depths of Mirkwood. He now wore just his boots, trousers and brown tunic, and I could feel the outline of his muscles beneath my hands. It made my palms all sweaty.

I felt very at-peace as he re-braided my hair, despite having just been thrown in the dungeons for Mahal knows how long, after an epically prickly encounter with our elvish frenemies. This time, he placed one of his own beads on one of my braids. He didn't tell me what it meant, and I didn't ask. I didn't need to – it was a token of his affection, something to tell everyone else that I was his.

I wondered if the elves had noticed our bond out in the wood, and had therefore put us in the same cell.

We didn't speak much after that. I lay in Fili's arms, feeling completely blissed out and more than a little turned on by the muscled form of him. As the day wore on, he continued to kiss me intermittently, and we listened to the irritable chatter of the other dwarrows, who clearly cared more about the situation than we did. Fuck all we could do about it, might as well enjoy ourselves while we're stuck here, right?

Fili called out to Kili later, who was in the adjacent cell. 'Kili, are you all right?'

The other Durin brother sounded as grumpy as Thorin. 'Yes. Are you?'

'Y-yes.' Fili said back with a laugh. I snorted loudly.

'Is Bonnie in there with you?' He asked quickly, now far more interested than he was a moment earlier.

'Yes.' Fili said again, not even close to being able to disguise the happiness in his voice.

'Mahal!' Kili almost shouted, gleeful. 'It's happened, hasn't it? It's happened!'

Fili and I stayed dead silent. I pressed my lips together, waiting for it…

'Yes! Yes! Oh finally, it's about time, you two! It's happened!' He hollered, _loudly._ 'Welcome to the Durin family, Bonnie Dunlap. I always _wanted _a sister.'

Fili grinned in the direction of Kili's voice, and I felt my face heating up. A lot of whooping and words of congratulations filtered down and across to us from the other cells, something for the others to focus on and be happy about in the most unhappy of circumstances. Even Thorin, with a smile in his voice, said 'Mahal bless you both.'

Oh my god, I'm going to cry.

**Props to the online neo-Khuzdul dictionary for the help. **

**I don't know whether to write smut or not - I've never done it! Perhaps a one-shot separate to the main story, in any case not yet, you'll have to stay tuned ;) Thoughts?**


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

It felt strange to be so happy and content with my hot new boyfriend, all the while languishing in a dim elvish prison.

We were brought food by the elves not long after what I now like to call 'the great acceptance' that meant I now (almost) had a new family. The dragon and the Mountain remained locked away unseen in the back of my mind, at least for now; since Thorin had told the elven king Thranduil to stick his deal and go die in dragon fire, our prospects of ever getting out of here were less than the likelihood of getting out of Azkaban. It was probably a good thing – the way Thorin spoke about him, Thranduil sounded like he'd rival Azog for the tosspot of the year award, and it was silly placing oneself in his debt.

Our only hope now was Bilbo, wherever he was.

The door was opened by two elves, one heavily armed, and the other bearing two wooden trays, making it seem certain that they deliberately put Fili and I together in a cell. Sneaky, match-making bastards. The door clanged shut and a key turned in the lock, almost seeming louder than the actual sound of the door closing, and the elves walked away without a word.

I was bloody starving. Our food was running low and was highly rationed before the spider incident and our capture. In between that and the excessive making-out with Fili, I was feeling a bit under-nourished. We inspected the trays doubtfully, but it was the same sort of food as was served at Rivendell, albeit less varied and well presented. And no wine, of course – instead there was a jug of cold water, and a handle-less wooden cup each of some kind of herbal tea. It smelled nice enough.

Fili gave the tea a sniff and wrinkled his nose. 'Ugh, bloody tree-eaters and their ridiculous foul concoctions.' He muttered.

I gave an enormous snort of mirth at Fili's first ever use of my expletive attributive of choice, spilling a few drops of the hot liquid on my lap. I was such a bad influence, why did Thorin give his blessing again?

He smiled and laughed with me, putting the cup down and shaking his head.

I had an epic brain-wave. 'I've got something that'll make it _much_ better,' I said excitedly, and dove into my bag.

It probably wasn't the correct method of utilising opium, but I wasn't by any means certain, and the only way to learn is to find out, right? I used the small wooden spoon provided by the elves to scoop out small amounts and place it in our cups of tea. There was still a decent amount of opium left in my tin, which I was sure I would be needing in the near future, if not for gratuitous use while incarcerated in Mirkwood. I stirred the tea feverishly for several minutes.

Fili watched and copied what I did, exchanging a devious grin with me every now and then. He really was amazing, but adding to that a whisper of a risk-taking, adventurous streak made him pretty much my perfect companion.

_The couple that gets high together, stays together._ Ha!

I raised my glass, and said 'to your good health, and our incredible luck in surviving so far.'

'May the luck continue.' He replied, and touched his cup to mine.

The tea was now lukewarm and quite bitter, but knowing what was in it, I didn't care too much, draining the cup as quickly as I could and shuddering lightly.

Fili had pinched his nose to drink his, and it slopped a bit out the sides of the cup. Classy. He wiped his moustache with the back of his hand, and asked 'how long does it take?'

I shrugged. 'Probably around half an hour.'

He nodded.

'Do you even know what it is?' I asked.

'Sure, I do. Laudanum.' He said confidently. 'Made from poppies.'

Well, I hadn't heard of that word before. Maybe I should have paid a bit more attention or read more about medical history, or maybe it was a word exclusive to Middle Earth. I had no idea.

'Well, back home we call it opium. I used to use opioids a lot in my work, mainly for pain relief.' I said conversationally.

'But never like this?'

'No, never like this.' I said. Never ever, in fact, and certainly not in the company of my future spouse.

While we waited, we ate. It was a simple meal of bread and salad, and I enjoyed it immensely. Not because of the food, but because while I ate I explained the various methods of opioid administration used in hospitals back home, to very entertaining results: Fili completely lost it laughing when I told him about suppositories.

'I think the tea is kicking in.' I announced, and watched him roll back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling and every now and then letting out an involuntary giggle.

I sighed and lay down on the cold stone, putting my head on his arm. He curled it around my neck and turned on his side, sliding one of his legs in between mine, making my belly tingle. I stroked his beard, gently touching the dimples on his cheeks that were evident even without a huge smile on his face.

Being this happy should be illegal. I felt delightfully full from the food and drowsy from the opium. I got up once to lay the elvish blanket over us, before lying back down and resuming my happy, snuggly position in his arms. I had a fleeting, unsophisticated thought of how good it would be if the opium were to constipate me so I didn't have to poo in front of him, before smiling to myself and falling asleep.

It was most disorientating to wake up. I had no idea how much time had passed, nor any idea of the time of day. Lying still next to Fili, who had rolled onto his back in the midst of sleep, I listened. Apart from the hissing sound of the waterfall and the occasional murmur from a cell nearby, the place was silent.

Gandalf entered my mind. I wondered whether he knew, or felt, that we had gotten ourselves in this pickle, and what _he _thought about_ that._ The feeling that I got from him the entire journey that us dwarrows were merely tolerated by the great wizard, who saw us as a means of achieving the end he thought was best. I had no doubt that the end that he thought was best was _indeed_ the best, but at the same time, we were ill-numbered and ill-experienced. He definitely knew something that we didn't. Actually, he probably knew a lot that we didn't.

Deep down, it seemed like a very half-hearted attempt to reclaim the Lonely Mountain, one that in all likelihood would lead to some kind of grief. I gazed at Fili's sleeping form, all peaceful and gorgeous and even breathing, and the pessimist in me thought that our time together could very well be limited. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath, stomach dropping and feeling very frightened at the prospect. And with determination, I shoved the thoughts from my mind, at least for now.

That thought was replaced with an even more nerve-racking future prospect. _Sex._

I wanted to. Oh my god, I wanted to. I think any time anyone is with a new person they feel nervous. Nervous about being naked in front of them, about the act itself, and a million other things. The nerves, however, were very much outweighed by the desire.

Fili opened his eyes, then, and looked a bit bewildered as I stared at him, probably with an incredibly intense look on my face. He rolled back to face me, placing a hand on my face, looking a bit concerned. 'Bonnie?'

I wordlessly rolled him onto his back and climbed on top of him, straddling him. He continued to look a bit bewildered, but obliged as I pulled him to a sitting position by the neck and crashed my lips onto his. One hand held onto my ass and the other gripped my lower back, pulling me down onto him harder. I ground my body downwards, making him groan into my mouth. My heart pounded and my stomach octopus wriggled, and boldly, I reached down, lifting the hem of his tunic and attacking the front of his trousers.

He let out a great gasp and grabbed my wrists, holding them apart before bodily pressing me down to the ground on my back, panting.

'I know what you want,' he whispered, voice all gravelly, into my ear. 'But not here.'

I went limp, emotionally and physically stinging from his comment.

'Why not?' I asked sadly.

'It's too important to me, to have it happen _here._'

I snorted. He still couldn't say the word.

He ignored that. 'When I go to bed with you, it will be in a bed, just you and me in a locked and _private _room, where I am free to say what I want, touch you how I want, do to you what you want me to do.'

Oh my fucking god, did he really just say that? _Everything _throbbed. I stared, wide-eyed, still unable to move from his holding my hands above my head, or even breathe properly. There wasn't a sentence in the world that could possibly affect me as much as the one he just uttered.

The feeling of need to get the bejeezus out of Mirkwood intensified. Hurry the hell up, Bilbo!

**They'll be off out of Mirkwood soon - I felt that in the book they were there for a while, and the movies for not very long, so we needed a happy medium. Thankyou again and please review!**


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

Patience is a virtue that had clearly skipped my generation, and Fili's, by the sound of it. One day of being locked in a cell together, which was totally awesome because look what happened, but now I was well and truly over it. The food sucked, the place itself sucked. The company was great, but still, time was precious to our quest, so being locked up made us antsy and grumpy.

It was late on the second afternoon. I sat on the floor of the cell with my head resting on the bars of the cell door, blowing raspberries and making stupid faces at no-one in particular, when the she-elf that saved Kili from the spiders came by. She passed our cell, giving me a brief look of distaste, before stopping outside Kili's cell, adjacent to ours.

I paused my raspberry-blowing and pressed one side of my head hard against the bars, trying to see what was going on. _Why the hell are they so skinny and tall and beautiful?_ The more time we spent in Mirkwood, the more I felt Fili would change his mind about me and go chasing some pretty and inhuman elf skirt.

I take that back. He has _much_ better taste than that.

_But seriously, what the hell, Bonnie?_ Elves were not the bad guys. I knew that. So why was I starting to exhibit the same bigoted intolerance of elves that others in the company showed? I can only conclude that it was too easy to get swept up in it, especially given that we were now effectively objects of elvish persecution. Regardless, I chose at that moment to put that behind me, realising that the ancient quarrels between elf and dwarf really had nothing to do with me, or the future of our two races.

It was an important ideal to remember, especially since I now bore witness to my dear Kili falling in love with an elf, and the elf fall for him in return… an elf I now know to be Tauriel, captain of the Mirkwood Guard.

How can someone be so badass and look like a flimsy little pixie all at once? Only Tauriel.

Fili sat deep in thought after Tauriel had left. I didn't ask what was going on his head; that would be so bloody clichéd: 'what are you thinking?' Jesus… So I pretended not to notice, leaving him with his internal musing, and pacing the cell, pausing every now and then to kick a part of the wall or stare at Fili and try to imagine what he would look like with short hair and no beard. I didn't feel like reading, especially since the only thing I had to read was the elvish healing book and I was feeling a bit anti-elf at that moment despite myself.

Eventually I felt tired enough, so I lay myself down on my side next to Fili, putting my head on his lap. He murmured 'ghivashel-uh' and then absently alternated between stroking my hair and massaging the back of my neck. I think it was supposed to calm me down, but the feeling of his callused, warm hands on my skin drove me crazy with longing.

_I seriously hope this guy is into premarital sex…_

Bonnie, you should be ashamed of yourself.

He fell asleep before I did. My sleep was broken, like when you sleep just for the sake of sleeping without being tired, or if you've had an epic nanna-nap not long before. Broken and full of bad dreams, that included Fili doing a runner as soon as we got to Erebor, and Kili arriving at my old hospital in VF cardiac arrest, me trying desperately to resuscitate and defibrillate him. I woke up suddenly, before the end of that dream thankfully.

I felt a pang of sadness as I thought about that dream. Never again would I stick an IV cannula in anyone, never again would I use a defibrillator, never again would I order an x-ray or assist in a modern operating theatre. All that had never really occurred to me before know: I was so swept up in this adventure that there was no time to think about what I was missing. On a sadder note, my skills and experiences were next to worthless here in Middle Earth – no computers, no blood tests, no radiology; the cornerstones of modern medical practice that had no place here. And _I _felt worthless as a result.

_No antibiotics, either._ I thought, horrified. _After the internal combustion engine, I'm going to invent penicillin._

Fili was still asleep, in an uncomfortable-looking sitting position with his feet out in front of him and his back against the wall. I scrambled up, again straddling him and burying my head in his shoulder, hugging myself to him.

He stirred, putting his arms around me and pulling me in closer. He made a cute little noise that sounded like 'ungh' and buried his face in my hair. After a moment, he whispered, 'I never imagined you to be so affectionate, Bonnie. I like it.'

A warm, gooey feeling spread from the centre of my stomach and radiated outwards towards my fingertips. _This guy…_

'I'd wager the sun is on the rise.' Bofur's bored-sounding voice echoed from somewhere above us.

'We're never going to reach the Mountain, are we?' I'd never heard sweet little Ori sound so depressed.

Before I even had time to start pondering that question, the silence was punctured by many a joyful whoop and exclamation. Bilbo made it. Fili and I jumped up. My heart was pounding. This was it, our escape. I fastened Ringil around me and slung my bag over my shoulder while Fili waited, hands on the cell door.

'Fili, aren't you going to put your coat on?' I asked.

It was that moment that a key turned in the lock and the door swung open with a loud groan. Fili ran out, quite forgetting the coat. Such a waste, and I had a nagging feeling that he'd regret it, but Bilbo was here and now we had to foxtrot oscar quicksmart.

I grabbed Bilbo's arm and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. He smiled but hurried me along.

Fili pushed me ahead of him, hand at my back. I was amazed at how quick and quiet dwarrows could be when they really wanted to – all I remember about dwarves from the Lord of the Rings movies is that they 'breathe so loud they could be shot in the dark'. Bollocks to that. We are the ninjas of Middle Earth.

Actually, Bilbo is the ninja. I thought sheepishly, now forever and ever in the little hobbit's debt.

We descended countless stairs, weaving our way through tunnels and shiftily traversing wider spaces, keeping to the shadows as much as we were able. How Bilbo knew where to go, I had no idea. And where were all the bloody elves? Lazy little buggers. Don't give up your day job, lads. You'd be hopeless as a prison screw…

We reached the cellars. Most of the company were more than a little annoyed by this, thinking that we were supposed to be led out into the sunshine. I didn't mind - I trusted Bilbo to have a good plan. He ordered us to climb into large wooden barrels that sat, stacked neatly, in the centre of the cellar. I was hyperaware of the cellar attendants sleeping noisily nearby, hair mussed up and bodies slumped over onto a table as the other dwarrows protested as vociferously as they could while _trying _to remain quiet. I rolled my eyes.

Thankfully, Thorin shared my opinion of Bilbo's capability. 'Do as he says,' he hissed.

I made to climb into a barrel on the second tier, but Fili grabbed my cloak. 'No, you're coming with me.' He whispered.

'Why? I'll be fine by myself.' I protested.

'No.' His voice was firm. 'I need you to be close-by. Please, Bonnie.' Firm, but final, even though he almost pretended that I had a choice. I was a bit taken aback, but ok, whatever, I went along with it.

I crawled backwards into the barrel, sliding my body underneath Fili's. My ass was pressed, once again, firmly into his crotch. How erotic. I felt a little breathless and my stomach octopus did its squirming thing again.

'What do we do now?' Bofur asked, as we all stuck our heads out of the barrels and looked to Bilbo for further instruction.

Bilbo the Badass, as he shall be known from this moment henceforth: 'Hold your breath.' Huh?

The ground disappeared beneath us. _Fuck!_

**I thought it was about time they departed Mirkwood. They have a lot to do, after all.  
****Fili is being a little possessive, but that's honestly what I think dwarf men would be like with their women, given the women are rare. What do you all think about that? I don't want it to make him sound too overbearing. Thanks for reviewing!**


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